-80% done. Abso-sanely incredible. Now I know how my boss Eric Gargiulo felt when he came over to Ellis Island ninety-three years ago with nothing but three dollars in his pocket and the dreams of calling matches involving fluorescent lighting tubes. Like my good friend Eric, I can see the Island. I’m not quite there, but I’m close.

-And it’s apropos that I bring up a New York landmark, as the huddled masses of the WWE roster rolled into Madison Square Garden in New York City on March 14, 2004, which was the earliest WrestleMania to date. With 12 matches stretched over a five hour (yes, you read it right) time slot, there’s little doubt that Vince McMahon wanted this event to be completely and utterly memorable. Would it live up to the high expectations?

-Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler are providing commentary for Raw again, with Michael Cole and Tazz doing Smackdown. When there’s an inter-brand match, one team is chosen arbitrarily. In a sport where every match has a number one contendership on the line, they just hand over duties to one side without reason? Sounds fishy, and I have no idea why.

-Harlem Boys Choir kick things off and no worries, I already made my Pat Patterson joke in the last rant. I’m good for a few shows.

-The show kicks off with Big Show defending the US Title against…..John Cena. Yep, Cena opens a PPV, it happened. Cena was still a coarse rhyme-smith at this stage, wearing throwback jerseys to the ring (in this case, Patrick Ewing, though Cena has far more World Titles). Here’s an interesting theorem for you to digest: when a wrestler wears clothing that depicts a real life aspect of pop culture (Headbangers with Marilyn Manson, New Age Outlaws with South Park, John Cena with sports throwbacks), they become a cult favorite. When they eschew the attire in order to wear WWE-licensed shirts with their own logo and pictures and such, then they stop being cool. Reason one why everyone over age 20 turned on Cena.

-Show was bordering on useless at this point. Moreso than usual. Alright, it’s indistinguishable, you got me.

-Show dominates with his hoss-fense, and the crowd chants “Let’s Go Cena”. In New York City? If you played this tape at an ROH convention or at some smark rally in some loser’s basement, they’ll probably claim you doctored the tape.

-Cena manages to land an FU, but Show kicks out. Cena teases the Ultimate Warrior “my hands are telling me that my destiny is to lose” deal, but then realizes that he’s not going to job to frigging BIG SHOW. So he belts the monster with his faux “Word Life” knux and lands a second FU to win his first piece of WWE gold. Not a good match, but it got the crowd going. Nothing wrong with being the rah-rah guy on a five hour show. If this were curling, Cena would have pushed the stone.

-Backstage, we find three men. One of them is the Raw GM, and the other two are his two toadies. Nowadays, respectively, they are TNA’s on-air authority, an ESPNews employee, and an upper carder on Smackdown. So Jonathan Coachman’s better off than Eric Bischoff and John Morrison? I need to go soak my brain in some lemon juice.

-Meanwhile, Randy Orton has a monologue on the staircase where he kicked Mick Foley around on nine months prior, while flanked by Batista and Ric Flair. Man, if you asked me in 2004, I would have said Flair was way cooler than the other two OVW slimes. Now? He’s a distant third.

-Next we have an excuse to give eight men a payday: Rob Van Dam and Booker T will defend Raw’s Tag Team Titles against The Dudley Boyz, La Resistance (consisting of Maritimer Rene Dupree and American Rob Conway), and The Utah Jazz (Lance Cade and Mark Jindrak). If Cade and Jindrak were any whiter, Sheamus could get a gig at the Apollo just by standing next to them. “Vat eez the deal with midcarders getting titles too early? I mean, ree-lee?”.

-When you’re in a match with eight men that’s being rushed, get your moves in now. Bubba with the Dusty Rhodes elbow. Booker with the side kick. RVD with the spin kick. Dudleyz land 3D. Cade gets the….umm….did Cade even have a move? There’s nothing besides the paint-by-numbers heavyweight offense that they taught him in OVW? God, what does WWE see in him?

-To speed things along, Van Dam flattens Conway with the Five Star to keep the titles with RVD and Book. Why did Conway have to job? He actually had a personality and ability. Well, I guess they had to keep Jindrak strong for his career apex of playing Kurt Angle’s personal Stormtrooper. Match was decent.

-Backstage, Bobby Heenan and Gene Okerlund are found necking with Mae Young and Fabulous Moolah. Jonathan Coachman is horrified. He’s horrified because he forgot to ask Heenan “What am I doing wrong as a heel commentator?”. It’s just as well, since Heenan would have either said “everything” or “who the hell are you, Pez Whatley’s kid?”

-Video package to hype the Chris Jericho-Christian-Trish Stratus love triangle. Sadly, no clip of Christian telling Jericho “This is not the OC!”. If it was, Trish would need to stop eating altogether. Well, someone’s gotta play the Mischa Barton role.

-Finally acting in character for a change, Jericho just tackles Christian and hammers away. I dunno, Jericho sweating over a woman and losing his mind over her just doesn’t feel right. How can you explain this side of Jericho and his current outlook? Did Trish’s rejection turn him into a robot with abject disillusionment with the world? Makes sense to me.

-Jericho alternates between out wrestling Christian and beating the crap out of him, and Christian turns the tide with a thumb to the eye. As dumb as this storyline was in terms of two thirty year old, known-to-be-married men fighting over a starlet co-worker, at least the match is good. Kinda hard to fault these two.

-After spending a good chunk of the match reversing, countering, and answering back with moves, Christian locks Jericho in the Texas cloverleaf. Or is it the Ontario Maple leaf? That’s what RVD’s missing: the San Bernardino Hemp leaf! He can have that one for free.

-A superplex spot is blown when Christian slips, but they make up for it and do it anyway. You know, if Kevin Nash did that, two things: one is he’d be crucified for blowing the spot and, two, we’d be in disbelief that he broke his usual arsenal for one match. Let’s just move on.

-Jericho gets the Walls, but Christian nabs the ropes to escape. Trish comes bouncing out (literally) and Christian brings her in the hard way. An inadvertent elbow knocks Jericho into a Christian roll-up, giving Edge’s little brother the win. Afterward, Trish turns on Jericho with a hard smack, and Christian hits the Unprettier to give birth to “Trishtian”. Cheer up, Jericho. If you had won Trish’s heart, how would you have explained it to Jessica? Damn good match.

-The Rock gives a whacked out promo backstage to set up the greatest handicap match of all time: Rock and Mick Foley against Ric Flair, Randy Orton, and Batista. We used to argue whether Batista or Orton was the most useless guy in the match. We ain’t too bright, is we?

-Rock stealing the Flair strut = awesome.

-Match starts with a flurry, with Rock taking Flair down on the floor with a backdrop and Foley coming off with the big elbow. Crowd is in a frenzy early.

-Foley gets Orton in the ring to continue their issue, and Orton bails like a coward. Foley hammers him into the table and brings him back in for more punishment. Here’s the good thing about Mick: he sells for anyone and will put any kid over, with no politics. Except for burying Test in his book, which I still think is funny.

-Speaking of putting people over, here’s Rock to sell for Batista and Orton. I wish I had known this was his final match. I woulda painted my eyebrow on and worn my elbow pad and….well, not really, you see, I was umm….back to the match at hand here.

-Foley plays face in peril while Batista and Orton water their own learning trees with this opportunity. Within weeks, Batista and Orton would be having great tag team matches with the likes of Benoit, Edge, Benjamin, Michaels, and others. You’re seeing it now in WWE with guys like Rhodes, Dibiase, Ziggler, Kingston, and Miz all getting better through osmosis with the older names. Hey, TNA: if you use the older guys to bring the young kids up, you can weed out the has-beens and live on the kids’ newfound reputations. That’s why Batista and Orton crush Flair and Foley in the ratings. MAKE A NOTE OF THIS!

-Rock gets the hot tag and cleans house on everyone. Batista halts the rush with a spinebuster and Flair tries the Senior’s Elbow, but Rock puts an end to it. After cleaning house again, Rock lands his own People’s Elbow on Flair. Great fun.

-Orton gets tagged in and runs right into Rock Bottom. In all the confusion, Batista drops The Great One with the Batista Bomb. After Rock barely kicks out, he tags in Foley, who cleans house himself. However, after he prepares Mr. Socko, he walks into the RKO to give Orton the biggest pinfall win of his career to that point. Whew, insanely fun match with a murderer’s row of main eventers and champions. Rock consoles Mick afterward, and Mick consoles him for having to have such a crappy goatee in that equally crappy Be Cool flick. Thanks for the aweome career, Rock. Have fun with that Disney money.

-Hall of Fame recap is next, a year that saw Bobby Heenan, Tito Santana, Big John Studd, Harley Race, Pete Rose, Don Muraco, Greg Valentine, Junkyard Dog, Superstar Billy Graham, Sgt. Slaughter, and Jesse Ventura all get inducted. Say what you will about Pete Rose, but he took a stinkface from Rikishi. That alone warrants induction, I think.

-Next up, Sable and Torrie Wilson face Stacy Keibler and Miss Jackie in an evening gown match. All the participants remove their gowns to start, but Miss Jackie is stand-offish. So she can make out with some loser on Tough Enough in a hot tub, but this is too much? Interesting.

-Cole on commentary says Tazz stabbed him with his pencil, and Tazz assures him that it wasn’t his pencil. Well then.

-Torrie pins Jackie and spanks her during the roll-up. I’d have included more content, but I write enough erotic letters to Hustler each week, and this would only detract from my usual quality. So rent the DVD, pervos.

-Meanwhile, Eddie Guerrero tries to motivate Chris Benoit by using reverse psychology. Show of hands?
Who else thought of a REALLY snappy punchline to that, but felt sick for even thinking it? I did, too.

-For more filler featuring some lesser-seen talents, we move onto the Cruiserweight open, which is a ten man gauntlet with the Cruiserweight Title on the line. The order of elimination goes like so:

-Shannon Moore jobs to Ultimo Dragon, who slipped during his entrance. Being the first one gone in this match must make you feel like Marsellus Wallace when he got picked by Zed during eeny meeny miney mo. Even the odds hate you.

-Jamie Noble comes in and dominates….some midcarders. He makes Dragon tap, and then pins Funaki in negative nanoseconds, then beats his forgotten cousin Nunzio by count out. It’s this spark and sass that made Noble a dominant ROH Champion for about seven hours.

-Then Billy Kidman hits the ring and dispatches Noble. Then Kidman jobs to Rey Mysterio, who’s dressed as The Flash. Kidman’s The Flash also, except his last name is “in the Pan”.

-Akio is unable to participate due to being blinded by Tajiri, and Rey pins Tajiri to bring it down to him and champion Chavo Guerrero. After some chicanery involving Chavo’s dad, Chavo “FREAKING AWESOME” Classic, Chavito retains the gold. Man, I miss Chavo Classic. He did a good job hosting Raw recently with Tommy Chong, however.

-Brock Lesnar-Bill Goldberg video to hype their epic match. Hey kids, when I say “epic”, you say…..yep, that’s right!

-Stone Cold Steve Austin and his over sized four wheeler of fun are the guest enforcers. He gets the biggest cheer of the three people involved in this match. Of course, that’s like saying that Capt. Sully Sullenberger won a popularity contest over Herpes and The Syph. Are you really surprised?

-Now, I could thoroughly recap this match, or I can tell you a joke I made up. You like jokes, right? Of course you do.

-Two muscle heads walk into a bar. They each order a bottle of “Over-With-The-Crowd Lager”. The bartender informs them that he can’t serve them this beverage because they don’t plan to come back to said bar, and it’s only for long-term commitment patrons. So the two muscle heads say “Fine, we’ll just occupy space for 15 minutes and do nothing!”. So the muscle heads proceed to do just that until the 20,000 patrons of the bar scream obscenities at them, which doesn’t faze them. Finally, a bald man runs in and beats up both guys himself. The other patrons roared mightily. Then the bald guy beat up a woman at random and the patrons still cheered. One patron sat stunned and muttered “Why would they cheer a wife beater over two men who don’t wish to be regular patrons anymore?”. And then Justin said “You must not be a wrestling fan!”.

-Bad as the joke was, it was still better than the match. Goldberg wins with a Jackhammer and Austin beats both guys up. I’d add more, but the match already damaged my brain. Let’s not let it hurt my fingers too.

-Vince is here to thank the fans. For sitting through that last match? Yeah, you better thank them.

-I have about 1600 words left before I get to my personal space limit, so rather than waste time with the next pointless match, let’s get it over with: Rikishi and Scotty 2 Hotty retain the WWE Tag Team Titles over the APA, The Bashams, and The World’s Greatest Tag Team. Real quick, a note to Rikishi: when you’re going to give a man a stinkface and you have to arch your stomach out before doing it, because you’ve gotten so fat that to merely stand in front of him would mean that your ass would already be in his face, then it’s time to lose weight. Nothing match.

-Next up, Jesse Ventura comes out to ask Donald Trump to help him with his 2008 Presidential campaign. Well, Jesse almost got as many votes as Dennis Kucinich, so he’s clearly on the right track.

-Following that spirited jaunt, we come to a Title vs. Hair match, as Victoria defends her WWE Women’s Title against Molly Holly, who’s putting her hair on the line. Do you think George Steele and A-Train could done a back hair vs. back hair match on PPV and drawn? Me either.

-The match is technically fine, but it’s a five hour show and everyone’s just waiting for the main events, because they want to see Guerrero put Angle down, Undertaker come back, and Benoit do what he does best and that’s not disappoint. Wait….

-Victoria wins it with a backslide, and Molly tries to be a truant, but she eventually gets strapped into the chair, and Victoria shaves away with a satisfied and exhausted grin. I found this hot, I don’t know about any of you. Feel free to dislike me for it.

-Guerrero-Angle recap video to hype the WWE Title match. The only thing that could have made Eddie’s celebration at No Way Out better was if his brother Hector was in the crowd dressed as the Gobbeldy Gooker. You know that would have ruled more than anything else.

-Crowd finally comes to life during a chain wrestling sequence, as MSG has always appreciated good technical wrestling. They even do the ROH/TNA chant of “LET’S GO ANGLE/ANGLE SUCKS”, which I find amusing. It’s like an act of rebellion from the smarks: “We cheer the heel AND the face! What are YOU gonna do about it?”. And the booker says “I dunno, get laid after the show?”. The smarks then narrow their eyes and say “….you win this time.”

-After Angle counters the Three Amigos (Two Amigos in current WWE acknowledgment canon) with a German, he gets the uber-creepy German attempt on the apron that looks like something out of day three of Pat Patterson’s fundamen—alright, there’s the requisite Patterson joke. Happy now?

-After Guerrero wipes out on a plancha, Angle brings him back in for a pain session to slow things down. Good, frenetic match so far, as neither man could really have a bad match. Crowd’s warming to Eddie, who really defied the odds to become a main eventer. Hey Vince, when Guerrero does it, it’s defying the odds. When Cena does it, it’s a marketing machine clearly standing behind him. I like Cena, but let’s be realistic here.

-A fast paced sequence ends with Angle trying for the Angle Slam, but Guerrero coming out of it with an armdrag. I’m enjoying myself.

-Another Three Amigos attempt is countered on numero tres into an Ankle Lock. Guerrero fights, not wanting to give up and the fans are really awake now, identifying with the champion’s struggle. Guerrero finally kicks him away.

-After falling victim to Angle’s super belly to belly throw, Angle latches on a second ankle lock, but Guerrero cradles him for two. After countering an Angle Slam into a DDT, Guerrero lands the Frog Splash, but Angle gets the shoulder up for two. Crazy great stuff, and the fans are behind Guerrero 100%.

-As Guerrero is in disbelief, Angle tries for a third ankle lock, but Guerrero kicks him off to the floor. Guerrero unties the boot on the injured ankle, and Angle goes back in for it. With the lock applied again, Guerrero kicks off and Angle’s left holding the boot. A surprised Angle is then cradled to give Guerrero the win to retain. Great, great match. My brother had no idea why Guerrero untied his boot (to slip out of the ankle lock easier) and Michael Cole explained it perfectly. So, yeah, Cole is smarter than my brother. I don’t think Josh ever recovered.

-Undertaker-Kane highlight package. You know how it goes: boy kills brother under a ton of dirt….and that’s about all.

-Kane comes out first with a nice entrance bit where the NYC set behind him “catches fire”. The lights then go out and we hear the voice of Paul Bearer, as he leads the Druids to the ring, which leads to classic Undertaker’s entrance. Undertaker was basically still Bikertaker, except with a new hat and his old mannerisms. But still, the MSG fans are thrilled, as was my viewing party. Nothing like the Dead Man gimmick to speak to your inner child.

-What follows is the typical Taker-Kane match, with Undertaker re-establishing all of his old tricks that made him The Dead Man in the first place. I was happy because I was so tired of that annoying Southern drawl that made Taker look like an out-of-shape hybrid of Mark McGwire and Sam Elliott. He should be a zombie forever, even when he’s 70, and will then be 42-0 at WrestleMania. Fine by me.

-Undertaker sits up from a Kane choke slam, and then reciprocates it. He then follows with the Tombstone for the relatively quick win. Not a good match, but it was a fun moment to enhance the show’s appeal. You just need these moments sometimes.

-And now, the match I’d waited years for. I wasn’t alone. And now, what was once a proud cult who relished this match, it’s become a dwindling minority. Triple H defends the World Heavyweight Title against Shawn Michaels and, yes, Chris Benoit. Let’s see if my feelings change watching it.

-Hey Hunter, nice white boots. Nobody can pull of the “He-Man goes Go-Go Dancing” look like you.

-Benoit and Shawn attack Hunter from the outset, but take time to beat each other down as well. Benoit tries a Crossface, but Shawn blocks. Benoit could have won right there in under a minute, and I would have been fine with it.

-This entire opening sequence is so well choreographed, as they take turns doing one on one bits, and nobody “plays dead” for so long that it seems contrived. A testament to all three men’s abilities.

-Shawn takes down both Benoit and HHH on the floor, and then heads up top to land a moonsault onto both men. Shawn was 38 here and still doing dives like that? Hey, if he’s not going to win the match, he’s going to steal the show for himself. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

-Triple H spends the next portion of the match in control, dominating both men until Benoit comes to life and drills him with a clothesline. He gets the rolling Germans, but tries for the diving headbutt and Shawn crotches him up top. Shawn tries SCM on Hunter, but eats a DDT. I think my stomach lining was like Swiss cheese at this point.

-HHH tries the Pedigree on Benoit, but Chris counters with the Crossface, which Shawn stops. Crowd doesn’t like that. Is it blasphemous to boo Shawn?

-Rolling Germans and diving headbutt for Shawn, but Benoit gets knocked outside. Shawn hits the SCM on Hunter, but Benoit pulls the champ to ringside to keep the match alive. I couldn’t take much more of this.

-Shawn opens up a MASSIVE cut after being sling shotted into the post. If Shawn’s wrists ever bleed simultaneously, he’ll have won me over. No more Jesus jokes then.

-The big turning point comes on the floor when Shawn and Hunter team up to double suplex Benoit through a commentary table. The idea was that this was to have finished Benoit as Shawn and HHH settled their feud.

-Back inside, Shawn does manage to bust Hunter open, but HHH lands the Pedigree out of thin air. My heart was sinking until Benoit slid in and broke the pin up. Whew.

-Benoit manages to counter the Pedigree into the Sharpshooter, and the place comes unglued. Hunter almost taps, but Shawn lands Sweet Chin Music at the last moment. He can only get 2, however. A second attempt sees Benoit backdrop a horribly bloodied Shawn all the way into the aisle. YAY!

-But Hunter lurked behind Benoit, and my heart fully sank. He tried the Pedigree, but Benoit snatched the Crossface to a huge pop. With no one to save HHH, he futily tried to roll Benoit over, but The Crippler held on. Finally, Hunter tapped to finally give Benoit a World Title and cause a smarkgasm the likes of which have never been seen. Guerrero comes out to celebrate and both men tearfully parade in confetti as JR gives a great sendoff. A tremendous match, circumstances aside, and still an all time favorite of mine.

-Drowning Pool’s “Step Up” plays off the show with highlights. Underrated Mania theme.

-CYNIC SAYS: Five hours flies by when you take two days to do the show in parts. I know I glossed over a lot of stuff, but that’s because they stretched things out to get about 50 people involved in matches. Four of them are great (both World Title matches, Rock and Sock vs. Evolution, Christian/Jericho) and there was enough fun moments otherwise (Taker’s return, Cena’s win, lingerie, the Hall of Famers, Lesnar/Goldberg’s crapfest) to make the entire show worthwhile.

If you can get past the controversy behind the main event, then this is a damn fine anthology that defined this era of WWE. I highly recommend watching all five hours, even the slow parts.

When he isn’t watching WWE, TNA, or his beloved Philadelphia Eagles and Phillies, Justin Henry can be found writing. It is his passion as well as his goal in life to become a well-regarded (as well as well-paid) columnist or author. Subscribe to The Cynical Examination, his wrestling blog, at http://www.facebook.com.

WWE WrestleMania – The Complete Anthology 1985-2005 DVD Set

Read WWE WrestleMania : The Official Insider’s Story

Check out the WWE WrestleMania – The Complete Anthology, Vol. 1 – 1985-1989 (I-V)

WWE WrestleMania – The Complete Anthology, Vol. 2 – 1990-1994 (WrestleMania VI-X)

WWE WrestleMania – The Complete Anthology, Vol. 3 – 1995-1999 (WrestleMania XI-XV)

WWE WrestleMania – The Complete Anthology, Vol. 4 – 2000-2004 (WrestleMania XVI-XX)

From the ring to your wall – WWE REAL.BIG Wall Graphics on sale now at Fat Head!

-Where were you on March 29, 1998, when WWE WrestleMania XIV emanated from the (since renamed) Fleet Center in Boston, Mass? If you’re like me, you were watching the show. If you’re not like me, then you’re….well, not like me. I’m not here to discriminate against you. That’s Bill Watts’ job.

-WWE WrestleMania XIV was to the Attitude Era what Woodstock was to the sixties counterculture movement. It was a landmark moment that symbolized the era better than anything else. The show I am about to review in tidbit form was not the all time greatest show ever. It may not even be in the top five. However, it remains memorable because it did just about everything right. In a time when WCW was becoming more stale than a loaf of bread found in the remnants of Hitler’s bunker, the WWE was picking up serious steam with the elements of shock TV, fresh characters, and a stylistic approach to producing television. Of course, it didn’t hurt that Vince McMahon would soon throw himself out there for fans to boo with impunity. We never bought the smiling babyface act for a minute.

-Your hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler, who are starring in WWE Films new adaptation of The Wizard of Oz, wherein Ross seeks a new facial structure, and Lawler seeks the ability to actually care about the product he is paid to put over. The 2010 version of Lawler is more disinterested than Adam Lambert at the Vegas Bunny Ranch.

-Not featured on the actual televised version of the show was Chris Warren and the DX Band playing America the Beautiful in their nu-metal punkish style. It was done before the event so as to not offend any customers at home. What would then follow was a show that featured blood, sexuality, overt violence, and Shawn Michaels’ butt crack. But you know, at least there was no punk band playing an American anthem. That would have been taking things too far.

-The opening act is a fifteen team battle royal where the winners get a shot at Backlash, also known as “WrestleMania Rehash Sunday”. The roster for this match is the KFC Famous Bowl of the WWE KFC menu, in that it’s just the extras. It includes two teams of Los Boricuas, The Truth Commission, Bradshaw and Chainz, two Nation of Domination teams, The Quebecers, the freaking Rock n Roll Express, The Headbangers, Too Much, DOA, Steve Blackman and Flash Funk (The Black Men?), The Godwinns, The New Midnight Express, and the returning Legion of Doom, who have 2 additions: Sunny, and space helmets. Because, you know, that was all they were missing: a bitter diva with weight problems and fiberglass space helmets. Hold me back.

-You know this match is important when the show begins during the intros with more than half the teams in the ring. That’s Vince slang for “Let’s get this crap over with”.

-Sunny looks hot here. Of course, if you froze my dad in 1977 and woke him up now and he wanted to see Sally Struthers, he’d make the same face I’d make when I saw Sunny in XPW. That was when Sunny became Moony, because she definitely had the craters to earn such a name.

-I’d list the eliminations, but since the cameras can’t even keep up, I’ll leave it as an exercise to you to do a web search. Go to www.crappyopeningmatches.com. The final four teams are DOA, Godwinns, Midnights, and LOD. All I have to distract me are the jiggling breasts and bulbous buttocks at ringside. Yeah, Jim Cornette was getting out of shape at this point.

-So it comes down to the geezerly LOD and fake Midnights, and LOD wins to justify the cost of the space helmets. The real winner was Ricky Morton, who made it the entire night without getting arrested for failure to pay child support. Attaboy, Ricky, you mulleted coot!

-Earlier this weekend, a fan got the chance to meet 2 Cold Scorpio. If I was the kid, you know me, I would have definitely asked “So, was the rumor in Foley’s book true?”. If 2 Cold took time to prove the anecdote correct for the kid, would that have made the kid’s life or traumatized him? That’s open for debate.

-Next up, the WWE Lightheavyweight Championship is on the line as Taka Michinoku defends against Aguila, which is the Spanish word for “huge jobber whose entrance is not televised”. This match has promise and will blow away anyone who sees it for the first time. Except for Vince, who has zoned out and is daydreaming about riding a two seater bike with Triple H on the next warm, sunny day.

-Sidenote: how many smarks in this era do you think played their Firepro wrestling game with Taka vs. Rey Mysterio, dreaming of the day they’d face off? That’s a lot of disappointed college library supervisors.

-Taka lands his super awesome running springboard suicide dive, and Aguila would later come back with an insane corkscrew plancha. Crowd is into these crazy spots, but Vince has his eyes closed with his fingers in his ears and is singing “Stand Back” at the top of his lungs. What a poor sport.

-You know, I’m almost sad that Brian Christopher wasn’t out here to do his racist commentary bit, where he uses offensive words for Japanese people and has to be corrected by JR. It always seemed as if Brian wasn’t even saying them in character, rather he truly believed that they were appropriate names for said people. No wonder Lawler refused to claim him as a son. When JERRY LAWLER is ashamed of you….

-Taka spikes Aguila with the Michinoku Driver for the win. The two men shake hands and hug afterward, because WWE Attitude was all about love and respect and honor. 2 years later, Aguila would unmask and begin doing the nasty with Lita, while Taka’s ring entrance involved bad Japanese dubbing. Such a progressive time period.

-In a taped bit, infamous mistress Gennifer Flowers interviews Intercontinental Champion The Rock. You know you’re an A-Lister when they bring in a glorified call girl to interview you. Tune in to Raw tomorrow night when Ken Shamrock gives his rebuttal to interviewer Amy Fisher.

-Here’s Chris Warren and the DX Band to play Triple H to the ring. I guess the budget wasn’t deep enough to get Motorhead, so here’s a song sung by a man who looks like what Jeff Hardy will resemble at age 40 when the meth turns his bones to dust. D-GENERAYYYYYYYTION!!!!!!!

-Trips defends his European Title against Owen Hart, in a match where Chyna must be handcuffed at ringside to then-commissioner Sgt. Slaughter. Chyna and Slaughter handcuffed together? It’s like an outtake from Hell from the movie Exit to Eden.

-You know Owen’s feeling jaunty because he hit a hurracanrana and it’s after 1992. Maybe he’s just trying to bore Russo with wrestling so that he can get fired and go to WCW. Maybe.

-This is a weird time period for Hunter as he still has his sissy boy hairstyle, but was beginning to develop his body. And by ‘develop’, I mean he got breast implants. He looks like some dainty version of Super Macho Man from Mike Tyson’s Punchout. In other words, Stephanie has a thing for macho men. Just saying.

-HHH lands the so-called “Harley Race knee” to Owen. It’s not really a Harley Race knee unless you’ve drank 4 beers and got stabbed by a fan before the show. So Hunter’s really just a wimp.

-Owen crotches HHH, but not hard enough to prevent the spawn of Satan from being passed on. You fail, Owen. I love you, but you fail. Speaking of fail, this was a weird face turn for Owen, as we had no real reason to cheer him other than he hates DX. Then again, we were supposed to cheer Val Venis for speaking the wives of other men, so the whole time period was screwy. Pun intended.

-Owen with the Sharpshooter. RING THE F—oh wait, it’s on somebody who Vince likes. Damn it all. Chyna helps Hunter get to the ropes and then blinds Slaughter with some powder she happened to have on her. That powder would later come in handy when she realized that she was shacked up with X-Pac and needed to escape life for a spell. After a low blow on Owen, Hunter hits the burial device (aka Pedigree) to keep his European title. Good match, however, though Slaughter was just useless. Even the crowd mocked him and rightfully so. It’s what he gets for trying to mold Greg Gagne against our best wishes.

-Now for a match that everybody seemed to have low expectations for. It’s the mixed tag match pitting Marc Mero and Sable against Goldust and Luna. Sable and Mero had a rather typical love story going: guy meets girl, guy falls in love with girl, girl gets jumbo implants and the fans fall in love with her, guy turns into a jealous mess, guy eventually leaves her for Kevin Sullivan’s on screen ex-girlfriend. And really, nobody wants that.

-This is the match that solidified Sable as an icon in WWE canon, as she wants to rip Luna to pieces for weeks of physical torment. After Mero and Goldie set the table, Sable finally gets Luna inside and beats the Hell out of her to an ungodly pop. Even an undertrained bimbo was outperforming WCW’s main eventers, and fans noticed.

-Fun note: CCB writer Brett Clendaniel called me after viewing a copy of the show and swore up and down that Luna’s boob popped out during Sable’s beal across the ring. I scoured the internet for days, trying to find Luna’s breast. In an unrelated note, Brett and I were both 14 and still virgins. Unrelated, of course.

-What’s weird is that the crowd doesn’t want to cheer Mero, but they almost feel goaded into it as he’s Sable’s partner. When he beats down Goldust and avoids Dustin’s charge that leads to him running into Luna, the crowd loves it. I love those weird and temporary de facto face turns. It’s like when Jesse Ventura would praise a babyface and you’d feel validated somehow.

-The crowd just absolutely loses their mind when Sable powerbombs Luna. It was the Rick Pitino/Pete Carroll era of Boston sports, so they’ll take what they can get.

-Sable ends it with the TKO. Mero’s overcelebrating next to Sable’s overdone scorn is a riot. It’s a shame that Mero’s career ended up being cut short later in the year, because he was feeling this jealous heel schtick. Sort of like Randy Savage with an extremely nasally voice. Good match too, oddly enough.

-Did I mention that angry Sable is hot? Like, incredibly piping hot? I think that’s why somebody defecated in her bag backstage, just to see her face. Not all angry women can be hot, however. I hold up Donita Sparks as exhibit A.

-Next up, the Intercontinental Title match with The Rock defending against Ken Shamrock. Rock brings Nation of Domination members Kama Mustafa, D-Lo Brown, and Mark Henry with him, with Faarooq nowhere to be seen. This was during the struggle for leadership between Rock and Faarooq, which sounds weird today. In later years, Rock would become the most charismatic star in wrestling history, whereas Faarooq was relegated to saying just one word per promo. Weird.

-Wait, before the match, we have a time wasting segment where Tennessee Lee (formerly Col. Robert Parker) introduces Jeff Jarrett and Gennifer Flowers. Flowers is just here to proclaim Jeff Jarrett “great”. So it’s a segment to stroke Jarrett’s ego and waste everyone else’s time? Oh well. Better one segment than the first five years of TNA.

-So Shamrock and Rock do the “required brawl”, which entails of fighting all around the ringside area with no mind paid to countouts or DQs, and they eventually make it back to the ring to brawl some more. History was kind to Ken Shamrock, since he had a couple great matches and is a respected fighter, but, let’s face it, without the right opponent, he was nothing special. At least he’s one up on Lashley on promos. Then again, so is former WCW interviewer Scott Dunlap.

-Rock hits the People’s Elbow to a lukewarm reaction. Either it’s 1998, or Vince booked the show in Anaheim again. Nope, 1998.

-Rocky PASTES Shamrock with a chair shot, which doesn’t top the one he gave Shamrock on Raw the previous month that was directly to the face. That was the greatest chair shot of all time, next to the one Randy Orton gave Mick Foley at the 2004 Royal Rumble. We really need a list for this. 1 is Rock hitting Shamrock, 2 is Orton hitting Foley, 3 is any Terry Funk chairshot, and 750,000th place are the ones Lance Storm gave Rob Van Dam at Barely Legal.

-Shamrock makes Rocky tap to the ankle lock in under five minutes to win the title. However, afterward, Shamrock cleans house of the NOD members and several officials to have the decision reversed. Shamrock reapplies the ankle lock and Faarooq runs out for the save, but changes his mind and walks off to a nice reaction. As Rock is stretchered out, and the decision reversal is announced, a near comatose Great One raises his title on the gurney. Always classic. Shamrock runs over and pummels him some more, since he’s in a fit of rage. Also classic. Hey, for five minutes, it was fun. Let’s do it again sometime.

-Now to up the violence quotient a little bit, we move on to the Tag Team Title match with the New Age Outlaws defending against Cactus Jack and Chainsaw Charlie. It’s a dumpster match, where both losers must be placed in a dumpster with both lids shut. It was originally to have been a barbed wire match, but the PPV carriers were mortified and refused to allow it. Which is probably just as well, since if Billy Gunn gets gashed enough times, he may actually bleed out his remaining charisma. Good thing Road Dogg has it in spades to spare.

-First truly sick spot is Cactus trying a flip attack off of the apron and missing Dogg, instead hitting the side of the dumpster. C’mon, Mick, you can bump harder than that. Collette needs a new piano!

-Mostly it’s lunch tray shots being exchanged, which is a 7 on WWE’s hardcore scale, but about a 3 on ECW’s hardcore scale. But if the fans had brought the trays themselves, then the smarks would call it EXTREME. E-C-DUB! E-C-DUB!

-The Outlaws slam the dumpster lids on both Cactus and Chainsaw’s heads to allow Lawler to make the timeless “Terry Funk gets hit by the toilet seat lid when he gets a drink” joke. When I say “timeless”, I mean that I can’t recall a time when it was witty.

-Billy’s got a nice blood mustache going, which equates him to the Hitler of pro wrestling, in that I think he’s evil and repulsive. Actually, no, that’s insulting. Hitler could get thousands of people on his side, whereas Gunn can’t pop the Impact Zone.

-Cactus applies dual Mandible Claws to both Outlaws, and it’s good that the Outlaws are facing each other eye to eye so that Road Dogg can use his hands to teach Gunn how to sell. How far gone must Bart Gunn have been to be the less interesting half of the Smoking Gunns?

-And now to make things just a little bit sicker, Cactus and Gunn go falling off of a ladder from the ring into the dumpster, which just looked nasty. Then, after Gunn climbs out, he and Dogg tandem powerbomb Funk into the dumpster, which led to a deeply purple bruise that encompassed Funk’s entire hip, as was seen late in the match. Funk didn’t even know he was hurt, according to a shoot interview with Gunn. Seriously, how can you not love Terry Funk? The man’s probably been dead 10 years and doesn’t know it.

-The fight leads backstage to where a cooler of Powerade gets knocked over (cheap crap) and Cactus knocks out both Outlaws onto a pallet, which Terry Funk then elevates with a forklift(!), then drives it to a second dumpster, where Cactus rolls them off into for the win and the gold. Terry’s madman laughter afterwards is frightening if you’ve never seen him before. Having watched him for over 20 years, it’s just merely kinda frightening. Great brawl.

-And now, a family rivalry as Undertaker’s streak is on the line against his charred brother Kane. If you don’t know the story, Undertaker burned down the mortuary as a kid and killed his parents and, presumably, his younger brother Kane. However, Kane lived and managed to get his degree in oral hygiene, before Paul Bearer (Kane’s dad) convinced him to wear a leather mask and pretend to be a burn victim. Kane liked the mask because it impressed women, especially a dead cheerleader that he fell in love with. Undertaker was so disheartened by the whole thing that he now dates a corpse himself named Michelle. At least, I THINK that’s how the story goes.

-Update for this show: Undertaker is a face. Kane is a heel. They currently hate each other. Expect updates for all ensuing WrestleManias.

-Now for another guest: Pete Rose, who insults Boston baseball fans and gets Tombstoned by Kane. Kane later inducted Rose into the WWE Hall of Fame, because they are true professionals. Except one’s a pyromaniac and the other gambles. But we can’t all be winners.

-#14 for Finkel. Go Fink.

-Taker makes his entrance amongst the druids and the fight be on, yo. Kane was still green at this point, but Taker’s reigning him in through the brawl nicely. At least Kane looks believable out there.

-Kane batters Taker on the floor with the ringsteps. I love in the Attitude era when they would use weapons liberally, but had to especially announce some matches as having no DQ’s. Russo, that’s brilliant!

-Did I mention that Paul Bearer eerily resembles Oliver Humperdink at this point? It’s worth noting.

-Now for a famous moment, as Taker clears the top rope with a dive and overshoots Kane, crushing the Spanish announce table. It could have been much worse than that. Jimmy Snuka’s kid could have failed to catch him here too.

-Back in the ring, Kane lands a Tombstone for 2. Dun dun DUNN.

-Taker then says “To Hell with this” and lands three tombstones to put his brother away and make it to 7-0. Oh, and Kane attacks him afterward, but I believe that this was the end of the feud and they never crossed paths again. Solid match, all things told.

-And now for the big one: Shawn Michaels defends the WWE Title against Stone Cold Steve Austin. The big story here is that Michaels’ back was completely shot and it’s a near miracle that he had the match that he did. I’ll explain in further detail as we get there.

-And now for the big celebrity involvement: guest outside enforcer Mike Tyson, who is fairly subdued here, oddly enough. He had joined DX to further stack the odds against Austin. Austin was overcoming odds when Cena was still studying for his midterms. Take that, Mr. Hustle, Loyalty, Respect.

-Tyson comes out first to major boos. Austin is shown walking in the backstage corridor and gets a scary pop. Then Shawn makes his way to the entrance way with Hunter and Chyna and says to the camera: “This is for you, Earl”, referencing Earl Hebner, who had a stroke days before. Earl had a stroke and Shawn’s back was kaput. Anyone sense the hand of karma?

-The match begins in chaotic fashion with Austin taking Shawn down and pummeling him. After getting whipped early, Shawn tries to escape to the floor, but Austin grabs the tights and exposes half of his butt to the world. Then, for a bonus, Austin backdrops Shawn to the floor and Shawn’s butt cheeks hit Hunter in the head. Well, I think that establishes the pecking order of the Kliq once and for all….

-Hunter interjects himself and he and Chyna find themselves ejected. If only Hunter got tossed everytime he’s tried to eject himself. Booker T may still have his passion.

-And now for more random brawling, as Shawn and Austin fight to the DX bandstand, and Austin gets hit by a cymbal. Would you have laughed if the ref disqualified Shawn then and there, five minutes in, and Shawn kept the belt? Yeah, me either.

-Then we have the telltale moment: Austin knocks Shawn off the apron, and Shawn awkwardly lands against the commentary desk, leading to him puffing his cheeks and bugging his eyes in serious pain from his back just dying. Even if you hate Shawn for all of his hypocrisy, it’s hard not to feel for him at this moment. All the times he’s tried to play Superman and steal the show, and it was all summed up in one moment. Poor guy.

-Shawn’s carrying on, though, and he even backdrops Austin over the rail, which had to be tough enough, considering he’s walking at a snail’s pace and wincing the entire way. Knowing the full story now, the match is hard to watch, especially 12 years later when he’s STILL WRESTLING. The man has no peer. Seriously.

-Now it settles down, and Shawn uncharacteristically slows his pace and begins to pound Austin with punches, followed by working the knee. He’s struggling to even get his breath. I wouldn’t be surprised if Vince came running down the aisle with a morphine needle right now. I wouldn’t blame him, either.

-Tyson throws Austin back into the ring, giving him a wedgie in the process. Shawn takes out Austin’s leg and applies a figure four as the match begins to crawl, yet is still flowing without fail. Christ, even when Shawn’s near death, he’ll hit at least a four star rating. If I sound like I’m kissing up to the guy, trust me, I am.

-Referee Mike Chioda gets taken out, and Shawn catches Austin with a horrible flying forearm. After he kips up, he lands the Savage elbow (HOW?!) and then begins the stomp. He tries to throw Sweet Chin Music, but Austin catches the boot. A series of reversals later and Austin plants him with the Stunner. Tyson slides in and counts to three (rather quickly) to give Austin his first World Title. Shawn’s injury accounted for, this was a damn incredible match, and I give Shawn all the credit in the world for finishing.

-Afterward, Austin and Tyson celebrate, and we get a symbolic torch-passing moment: Shawn whines about Tyson siding with Austin, so Tyson drills him with a hard punch, and lays Austin’s shirt over his face. Goodbye Heartbreak Kid, hello Texas Rattlesnake. Shawn would not wrestle for the company for over four years after this, but if his career had ended here, he did it as he does best: stealing the show, even with the odds against him. As for Austin, the best was yet to come.

-CYNIC SAYS: The first two matches were basically “filler” in Vince’s eyes: the useless midcarders and the light weights had their moments. From there, it was the Attitude all star team, putting on an exciting and era-defining show. The topper: the babyface hero won in the end without chicanery, which was big when you consider that Starrcade 1997 ended with an indecisive Hogan/Sting match that SHOULD have been decisive.

This show is a hallmark moment in wrestling history, one that helped lead Vince’s army into a comeback, crushing WCW beneath their wheels and never looking back. Truly, this was the highlight of the Attitude era.

For a low light of the Attitude era, well, wait till I do my next rant. If you dare reading it.

When he isn’t watching WWE, TNA, or his beloved Philadelphia Eagles and Phillies, Justin Henry can be found writing. It is his passion as well as his goal in life to become a well-regarded (as well as well-paid) columnist or author. Subscribe to The Cynical Examination, his wrestling blog, at http://www.facebook.com.

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This past Thursday evening, TNA presented another addition of IMPACT after what was, in my opinion, a very confusing show which left defined story lines up in the air. My hope was that TNA would clear things up tonight. Did that go down? Let’s get to the review and find out!

Mr. Anderson Defeated Brutus Magnus In An Eight Card Stud Qualifying Match

Kind of an odd pairing here between these two supposed heels. The majority of the offense in this matchup was dominated by Anderson. After about 3 minutes or so, Anderson finished Magnus off with the Mic Check. Nice way to get Anderson to advance here, making him look like a more big time player by basically defeating Magnus with ease. Although Anderson may not be the most talented wrestler on the TNA roster, I’ve got to admit that he has excellent skills at playing his gimmick, an overbearing, arrogant heel.

Up next, Eric Bischoff made his way to the ring. He talks about how Mick Foley’s refusal of compliance will cost him big time tonight. Soon, Foley makes his way into the ring, and stands toe to toe with Bischoff. The two cut a phenomenal, and I mean phenomenal, promo discussing their past experiences working together, as well as their dislike for one another. Foley verbally ran Bischoff down, calling him a “salesman and a crappy commentator”! Foley claimed that he had always planned on living outside of the wrestling business. He claimed that he had saved everything he had ever worked for, taking it into consideration that he would one day not be working in the professional wrestling industry. He was ready to live life to the fullest if Bischoff fired him from TNA. Foley said that he didn’t really “hate” anyone and never has, but there is one man that is the exception, and that’s Eric Bischioff! He told Eric that he has and always will hate his stinking guts! Foley said the only reason he was still with TNA was because of JB and Abyss. As Foley prepared to leave the ringside area, Bischoff called him back, threatening the jobs of JB and Abyss once again. The segment concluded with Bischoff booking a match for later that night, featuring Kevin Nash vs. Mick Foley himself in a no DQ match. Again, this was an absolutely tremendous segment here! Again, not sure how we’ll get our payoff within this feud, but this promo made things a hell of a lot brighter.

Hernandez And Matt Morgan (C) Defeated Team 3D To Retain Their TNA World Tag Team Championships

Again, kind of an odd pairing here between two face teams. Morgan and Hernandez are obviously established faces, and TNA looks to be converting Team 3D back to faces through their feud with the Nasty Boys. Anyway, this match was actually fairly decent, with both teams receiving their fair share of offense. Both teams got their respective hot tag as well. Again, decent little 5 minute matchup here. In the end, Devon ascended to the top turnbuckle, but was shoved off by the Nasty Boys. organ hit the Carbon Footprint on Brother Ray for the three. After the match officially ended, the Nasty Boys entered the ring and continued their assault of Team 3D, until Morgan and Hernandez charged back into the ring, running them off. They shook hands with 3D to end this segment. Nice way to get a bit of action in as well as continuing the Nasty Boys/Team 3D feud, but not sure why Morgan, Hernandez, and Team 3D would be on the same page now considering they just had a huge feud which consisted of two eight man tag matches over the course of the last two PPVs.

Samoa Joe Defeated Jesse Neal In Another Eight Man Stud Qualifying Match

Not quite sure was Joe is involved in this tournament, considering he already has the world title shot briefcase that he won at Final Resolution as as a result of Feast Or Fired, but I’m just glad to see him on TV again. Very brief bout here, really doing a good job of reestablishing the bad-ass mentality that exemplifies The Samoan Submission Machine. After about 2 minutes or so, Joe got Neal up for the Muscle Buster, verbally said that this will be AJ Styles, and planted him hard onto the canvas for the win! Nice way to have Joe advance. I really loved how he said that this will be AJ before giving Neal the Muscle Buster. That really captured his determination.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero Defeated AJ Styles (C) In A Non-Title Match

Finally it looks as though “The Pope” is getting his much deserved main event push. I’ve always anticipated the day where these two would finally go one on one in a TNA ring! AJ entered with Flair, with more of a heel entrance. In my mind, this was truly a picture perfect match here, really doing a great job of both putting on a great wrestling match, while telling a great story at the same time. Nice heel psychology on the behalf of the champ. People have complained from day one that AJ is a great wrestler but doesn’t have much charisma or mic skills, but that will surely change very, very soon. He has shown butt loads of improvement on the mic, is a great heel worker, and a great wrestler as always. Great work by not only AJ, but “The Pope” as well. “The Pope” is defiantly more than capable of participating in the main event picture. The crowd loves him as well. Anyway, as I said earlier, this was a very good TV match, featuring plenty of innovative maneuvers, near falls, and action throughout. AJ dominated the majority of the match, really shining as a heel, with “Pope” coming back several times with a few extended flurries of offense. The match was given more than enough time as well, lasting well over the 10 minute mark. In the end, AJ goes for a suplex, but “The Pope” counters it into a small package for the ever so shocking three count! “The Pope” just pinned the world champ! Although I believe that this loss may have hurt AJ a bit, it did wonders for “The Pope” who is now officially considered a main eventer in my eyes! Out of frustration, Flair and AJ beat “The Pope” down after the bell, until Samoa Joe charged down to the ring and cleaned house! After a brief commercial break, Joe got on the mic (he and “The Pope” were kept on the stage thanks to security), and cut the second awesome promo of the night! Flair initially attempted to talk over him, but Joe told him to shut his mouth or he’ll shove the “nature” up his ass! This is the Joe I have come to love! He said that even though him and AJ had been through hard times together, AJ had always been a warrior. He said that AJ had become nothing but a scumbag leeching off of Flair and his wholesale hookers! He tells AJ that at Against All Odds, he will be cashing in his world title briefcase, and will become the new TNA Heavyweight Champion of the World at his expense! Joe and “The Pope” precede to break through security, and chase Flair and AJ out of the arena. Again, great, great segment here! This looks to be an awesome world title feud between AJ and Joe. These two have had incredible matchups in the past, but things have never quite been this intense between the two. After Joe’s run with AJ, we’ll hopefully see “The Pope” as the challenger for the title at upcoming PPVs. Damn I can’t wait for Against All Odds! Did I actually just say that about a TNA PPV you ask? I sure did!

Kurt Angle Defeated Tomko In Another Eight Man Stud Qualifying Match

Wait a minute… I thought Hogan gave Angle a buy into the tournament at Against All Odds because of the screwjob? am I missing something? Anyway, this was another solid TV match, but only went about 5 minutes. Tomko did an alright job, but looks to be getting a bit physically slopping again, much like he was beginning to become when he was in the WWE a few months back. Angle looked very focused here as always, at one point hitting 5 German Suplexes in a row! This match was basically dominated by Kurt all the way through. The match concluded with Tomko tapping as a result of an ankle lock cinched in tight by the Olympic Gold Medalist. Nice way for Angle to advance, making him looks very focused as well as intense. I just hope he doesn’t win the tournament at Against All Odds, for AJ and Kurt have wrestled one another one too many times lately. It’s starting to loose its flavor. If Joe happens to win the title a Against All Odds though, I wouldn’t mind seeing another Joe/Angle feud.

Tara (C) defeated Angelina Love To Retain Her TNA Knockout Championship

Just to clarify, these two women are both faces now. They showed mutual respect for one another in several backstage interviews before this match officially got underway. Both Knockouts looks pretty good here, but weren’t really given enough time make any meaning out of the match. After only about 3 or 4 minutes max, Tara wins with a roll up. Personally, I wouldn’t have done this match this week because of the fact that the show was already packed. I would have waited until next week where both women could have been given more time in the match itself, considering this was one of Angelina’s return matches and all. After the match, The Beautiful People come out to the ring and attack Angelina from behind. Tara comes in to make the save, but it appears as if she had to think about it for a moment. Could we see Tara as a heel taking on Angelina as a face over the title in the future? Love and Tara clear the ring and stand tall as we went to a final commercial break.

Backstage, Kurt Angle stormed into Hogan’s office and accused him of putting the hit on him with Hall and Pac last week. He left in a heap. Not sure where this story line is going, but I’m glad Kurt is involved.

Kevin Nash Defeated Mick Foley In A No DQ Match

Considering there was only 5 minutes left in the show before the bell even rang here, nothing much was expected but some sort of angle which should have left a cliffhanger for next week. This was a very, very brief plunder match, featuring several garbage can shots and that’s about it. Back in the ring, Foley looked as though he was going to finish Nash off with a weapon of choice, but stopped in his tracks, almost like he was thinking of how him loosing his job would affect JB and Abyss. Out of nowhere, Nash hit the big boot for the three. Before I get to what happened next, there was a backstage segment earlier, where Bischoff asked Nash to take Foley out tonight. Nash said he was happy to do him a favor, as long as Bischoff gave Hall and Pac another chance at contracts. Bischoff basically refused, and hinted that Nash would loose his job if he didn’t comply. Anyway, after Nash pinned Foley, he stood in the ring, while Hall and Pac made their way through the crowd and entered the ring. Shockingly, Hall slugged Nash in the side of the face, and the two momentarily beat Nash down, as IMPACT went off the air. Although I’ll admit this was a major shocker, I have no interest in seeing a feud between Hall and Pac against Nash. Wonder how Hogan will get involved in this whole thing? You know he will.

Overall, I felt that this was a very good addition of IMPACT! Great action throughout, and two great segments (one with Bischoff and Foley and the other with Joe and AJ). Against All Odds is shaping up to be a very interesting PPV to say the very least. The many(too many) different feuds/storylines became a lot more define on this night, however I didn’t particularly enjoy the start of the Hall/Pac vs. Nash deal. I don’t see any pay off with that. TNA was more focused this week, but still has a long ways to go when it comes to the Angle, Hogan, Hall, Pac, and Nash deal. Great world title feud though, which in my opinion should be the main focus of the show, not these veterans. I’ll give IMPACT a B plus here, almost an A minus but not quite because confusion still exists without sole focus on feuds/storylines.

Todd Frizzell is from Columbus Ohio, and has been a huge professional wrestling fanatic for the last ten years. Todd is very interested in all aspects of pro wrestling, including what goes on when the cameras aren’t rolling. Todd is very excited to write about his passion, and will try his best to entertain and provoke the wrestling fans.

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Sunday night, TNA Wrestling presented not only their first PPV of the new year, but also the first PPV within the Hogan/Bischoff era. With the addition of these two authority figures pressing the reset button of TNA, what can we expect from the new regime? Who is the huge superstar who made his debut? Let’s get to the review, and we’ll find out!

Genesis opened with a brand new set, featuring an upgraded stage, with a ramp way which stretched all the way to the ring apron, just like the setup from several original ECW events, as well as some old WCW PPVs. For the first time in nearly 5 years, TNA sported a new 4 sided ring. Way to separate yourselves from the competition TNA! To pen the show, Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff made their way to the ring, and welcomed everyone to the “All new IMPACT Zone”, which resulted in a chorus of boos. The TNa faithful preceded in a unanimous “We want 6 sides” chant! Hogan made a comment comparing the old 6 sided ring to a “Playpen”, to a very negative reaction. How dare he! Hogan basically tried to put over TNA, without much crowd support, and left it at that. So far, Hogan’s been in TNA for just a few short weeks, and he’s already been close to being booed out of the building several times. Go figure!

Amazing Red (C) Defeated Brian Kendrick To Retain His X Division Championship

Red’s mystery opponent was revealed to be Brian Kendrick, who received a very warm welcome from Orlando. Kendrick wasn’t a face in this match, but wasn’t really a heel either. He remained pretty neutral, although I was getting the vibe that he may end up being a heel sooner than later. All in all, this was a pretty good match, and a good way to set the pace for the evening, although I think it could have gone a bit longer, as it seemed to end at the same time it started to pick up momentum. One notable spot was Red hitting a beautiful hesitated sommersault plancha from the top rope to the outside onto Kendrick. In the end, Amazing Red retained his title with Brain Damage, his victory roll flipped forward into a modified wheelbarrow face buster, as a wheel barrel body scissors finisher. (***)

Sean Morley Defeated Daniels

Before this match began, Morley did his standard mic work, to another chorus of boos. Throughout the entire duration of the match, the crowd was pretty much entirely behind Daniels. All in all, this was an alright match, but seemed to be a bit too slow paced, mainly because of Morley. After some very formulaic stuff, Morley got the win with the Money Shot, to the dismay of not only the fans, but to the dismay of myself. In my opinion, there is absolutely no reason why Morley should have gone over the much younger, more talented Daniels here. (**3/4)

Tara Defeated ODB (Former C) In A Best 2 Out Of 3 Falls Match To Win The TNA Knockout Championship

As I have said in the past, I feel that these are not the two women who would be best to represent the face of the TNA Knockout division. They have fought many times in the past, but have yet to really impress me. Last night was no exception. Although it was certainly watchable, this match seemed to be very slow paced, and seemed to drag on, however it did involve some keen ring psychology.

Winner Of Fall Number One: Tara

Tara captured the first fall fairly quickly with a roll up.

Winner Of Fall Number Two: Tara

Tara also ended up winning her second straight fall, therefore winning the match and the title. She picked up the victory with the Widow’s Peak. (**1/2)

“The Blueprint” Matt Morgan and Hernandez Defeated The British Invasion (Former C) (Doug Williams and Brutus Magnus) To Become The New TNA World Tag Team Champions

This match was about what you expect between these two teams, featuring a very sufficient amount of action. Bot teams meshed well together, and hit several impressive double team maneuvers. After a moderate length matchup, Hernandez hit magnus with his Dominator variation, followed by a picture perfect Carbon Footprint courtesy of “The Blueprint”, allowing the three count, crowning new TNA World Tag Team Champions! As I’ve said many times before, I am a big fan of the newly formed team of Hernandez and Morgan, and really look forward to seeing what they bring to the preverbal table as tag champs in the new year! (***)

Desmond Wolfe Defeated “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero

Although this was a really good match, the crowd seemed to be fairly dead at this point, which I believe hurt this match a little. Putting the crowd reaction aside, this was a good, solid wrestling match, with plenty of innovative submission maneuvers on the part of both men, as well as several near falls. Great ring psychology was implemented beautifully on the behalf of Wolfe, who religiously worked on “The Pope’s” knee throughout the duration of the entire bout, as a way to eliminate “The Pope’s” ability to hit the D’Angelo Dinero Express. After a good 15 minutes of solid wrestling, Wolfe got the clean win after hitting an explosive lariat taking “The Pope’s” head off! Glad to see Wolfe get some redemption tonight, and I look forward to seeing more of the feud between these two future world champs! (***1/2)

Beer Money, Inc Defeated “The Band” Kevin Nash and Syxx -Pac

As most of us already know, Scott Hall is currently suffering from sort of groin injury, so to my excitement, Pac replaced him here. Overall, this was another alright match, but was really hurt by the methodical Kevin Nash, who in my opinion seriously needs to consider hang up his boots for good. Pac looked fine though. As one would expect, the crowd was unanimously behind Beer Money. After another matchup filled with pretty formulaic action, the ending came when Hall started down the ramp, and then attacked a fan at ringside, ripped him over the guardrail and everything! Not sure if this was planned or not. With the distraction, James Storm hit Nash with a superkick, allowing Rude to score the pin! I’m elated that Beer Money was given the victory, and have gained some new found respect for “The Band” for helping these younger guys go over. (**3/4)

Ken Anderson Defeated Abyss

It turns out, as expected, that the mystery superstar coming to TNA was in fact Ken Anderson, who appeared on the entrance way, doing his notorious mic segment, and no he didn’t say Mr. Kennedy…Kennedy, he said Mr. Anderson… Anderson. I have no major problems with Anderson in TNA, however I don’t think he coming to TNA is reason to hype “A huge superstar” coming to TNA for weeks on end. Now if this were RVD or Paul Heyman or something, that would be one thing, but I can assure you, Ken Anderson is no RVD! Anyway, earlier in the evening Abyss attacked, his scheduled opponent, Bobby Lashley, in the back room, supposably trying to protect Bischoff. He was now to face a replacement, Ken Anderson. Overall, Anderson received a pretty positive reaction from the fans, although he did have his share of naysayers. This wasn’t a very good match in my opinion, for I wouldn’t even expect these two to mesh well together. They have completely different styles, and have no in ring chemistry. After what I though was a lackluster 10 minute match, Anderson got the pin with a shot to Abyss’ temple with a pair of brass knuckles. Looks like we may end up seeing Anderson as a heel, and rightfully so, for I’ve always enjoyed him a lot more as a heel than as a face. (*3/4)

AJ Styles (C) Defeated Kurt Angle To Retain His TNA World Heavyweight Championship

So far in the evening, nothing had been very satisfying, so by this time I was really craving some great wrestling action. All in all, I was a bit disappointed with this match, for I expected it to top their other past bouts, or at least match them. Although a very good match, this wasn’t exactly great. It seemed to be paced a lot slower, and was a lot less exciting than their recent match of IMPACT. It seemed like both men toned down their styles a bit, in order to add more ring psychology to the contest, and attempt to tell a more vivid story. You can thank Hulk Hogan for this! I don’t know about you all, but personally, I’d rather see a stellar wrestling match between two of the greatest wrestlers in this country, than have a bedtime story told to me! I’m not six years old anymore! For crying out loud, this is professional wrestling! If I wanted to listen to a good story I’d watch Cartoon Network! Alright, I’ll admit that I may have over exaggerated a bit, well maybe a lot, just now, but there is some truth to that theory. A big part of professional wrestling is telling stories in the ring, but in my opinion, there is no need to slow down the pace, contents of a match in order to do so. Now there are exceptions like spot fests and such, but in this case, it would have been the best decision to just go ahead and let Kurt and AJ go out there and wrestle at their very best, which tells a story in its own, and make for a very happy fan base. Isn’t that what it’s all about? Pleasing your fan base? Anyway, in the end of this match, Ric Flair, who had made his way down to the ring earlier, ended up breaking up a pin attempt fro Angle, by pulling the ref to the outside! While the ref was down, Flair prompted AJ to use the title belt on Angle, and AJ obliged. He hit Angle in the skull with the belt, and got the win! Flair and AJ posed to end the show. Looks like we’re now going to see a heel partnership between Ric Flair and AJ Styles, which could really do wonders to AJ’s persona. (***3/4)

Overall, I felt that Genesis was a very plain show, with nothing terrible, but nothing great either. Most of the card, with the exception of a few matches, seemed to be very methodical or slow paced. It’s hard to tell whether this is Hogan’s doing, or if some of the guys just happened to have an off night, but if this is Hogan’s doing, I truly think he’s making a major mistake, for all that will accomplish is blending in with the competition, and making is so that TNA is no longer a unique product. I can only hope that Hogan leans from his mistakes here, although that’s pretty doubtful considering it’s still undecided as to whether or not he learned from his mistakes in WCW of not. In conclusion, it is still far to early to tell, but if Hogan doesn’t start letting these guys just go out there in wrestle, this could potentially spell disaster, if not the end of TNA.

Overall, I’d give Genesis…

(6/10) And I’m being generous at that!

Todd Frizzell is from Columbus Ohio, and has been a huge professional wrestling fanatic for the last ten years. Todd is very interested in all aspects of pro wrestling, including what goes on when the cameras aren’t rolling. Todd is very excited to write about his passion, and will try his best to entertain and provoke the wrestling fans.

Order TNA: Kurt Angle: Champion on DVD by clicking here.

Order the WWE Hulk Hogan’s Unreleased Collector’s Series DVD collection by clicking here.

Order Hulk Hogan’s autobiography, My Life Outside the Ring by clicking here.

This Sunday night, 1-17-10, TNA will not only present their first PPV sf the new year, but their first post Monday Night War PPV! With all the changes within TNA, how does the card for the Genesis look? Which huge superstar will debut, shocking the wrestling world?

TNA X Division Championship Match: Amazing Red (Champion) VS. A Mystery Opponent

This match was just announced on IMPACT last night, so I don’t have too much to comment about. Amazing Red is always fun to watch, and I really look forward to seeing him in action. My prediction for his mystery opponent is Jeff Hardy, who made his TNA return during the X Division Terror Dome match during the Monday Night War. If he is in fact the mystery opponent, this should be a great match!

Sean Morley VS. Daniels

Last night on IMPACT, they did an in ring segment, in which Sean Morley came out to the ring, and announced that he would be doing some directing, through TNA films. Wonder what kind of films? XXX? LOL! He was interrupted by Daniels, who cut Morley down, claiming that he wasn’t about to loose his spot to some old veteran waltzing his way into TNA. Daniels eventually attacked Morley, giving him the BME. Morley later fought back, and clotheslined Daniels to the outside. With only one segment to set this PPV match up, they did a pretty decent job of creating an interesting enough storyline between the two, and their match at genesis should be fairly entertaining at the very least.

Abyss VS. Bobby Lashley

In a desperate attempt to fill up the card for Genesis, TNA seemed to have just thrown this match together. These two have wrestled before, and have done nothing much to impress me in their past matches. This should be watchable at best, but hopefully TNA adds some sort of hardcore stipulations to it, to spice things up. As far as the Bobby Lashley leaving TNA for MMA full time storyline goes, I don’t have anything to comment, for I’m not a Bobby Lashley fan and simply don’t care.

TNA Knockouts Championship: 2 Out of 3 Falls Match: ODB (Champion) VS.Tara

As I have said countless times before, this feud has an interesting enough storyline to it, but these two have done nothing at all to impress me in their past encounters. I’m still waiting for TNA to start freshening up the Knockout’s singles division, like they have already done with the tag team division. In the past, the ODB vs. Tara matches have not been given very much time at all, so hopefully some extra time here will be beneficial.

TNA Tag Team Championship: The British Invasion (Champs) VS. “The Blueprint” Matt Morgan And Hernandez

Two weeks ago we witnessed the debut of the tag team of Hernandez and Matt Morgan, who in my opinion, have great chemistry as a tag team, being two athletic, big men. Hopefully they will win the titles at Genesis, and maybe go on to make themselves the top tag team, by feuding and going over “The Band” Scott Hall and Kevin Nash. During Morgan and Hernandez’s match on IMPACT last night, Big Rob Terry attacked Morgan and Hernandez, causing the disqualification. He battled with Hernandez to the back. Fair enough way to set up what should be a decent match at Genesis, at the last minute.

Desmond Wolfe VS. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero

During the Monday Night War, “The Pope’ quickly pinned Wolfe in what was thought to be an upset. Now, this Sunday at genesis, Desmond Wolfe will have the chance to redeem himself, through this rematch. On IMPACT last night, “The Pope” did some color commentary during Wolfe’s match with Samoa Joe, and the two intensely locked eyes after Wolfe got the win. If given plenty of time, this should be a great mid card matchup!

Tag Team Attraction: Beer Money Inc VS. “The Band” Kevin Nash and Scott Hall

Last night on IMPACT, Beer Money stormed into Eric Bischoff’s office, demanding a match with “The Band”, so they could prove that they are the top tag team in professional wrestling today. Later in the evening, Beer Money was attacked by “The Band” and beaten down. The men were eventually separated by security. They will face off at Genesis. First off, why isn’t Sean Waltman in this match? He’s obviously in the best shape of the three. Anyway, this should be an alright match, but would really make me happy if Beer Money went over. Will Beer Money in fact go over, or will “The Band” get the win, and prove that Hulk Hogan sticks with the click?

TNA World Heavyweight Title Match – Kurt Angle’s last shot at A.J. Styles in 2010: AJ Styles (Champion) VS. Kurt Angle

I have yet to see these two men in the ring with one another, without stealing the show! They are without a doubt, two of the greatest professional wrestlers here in the United States, and I can’t hardly wait to see these two lock horns once again! Should be an awesome, awesome wrestling match! Last night on Impact, TNA really did do a great job of hyping this match at the last minute. In the beginning of the show, AJ and Kurt cut a promo together, and shook hands agreeing to find out who truly is the best wrestler in the business at Genesis. After the main event, Kurt saved AJ from Tomko, and attempted to shake AJ’s hand, but AJ walked out on him. Nice way to create more tension between the two. Again, this should be an incredible match!

Overall, TNA didn’t utilize nearly enough time promoting/leading up towards this event. I still question their decision to show a replay of the Monday Night War last Thursday, rather than showing a new episode of IMPACT, to hype Genesis. Putting that all aside, this looks like it should be a pretty good PPV, and has a very fair amount of intrigue, because of the new superstar making his debut in TNA. Who could this be? I’m going to guess Rob Van Dam. Wouldn’t that be awesome!?!

Todd Frizzell is from Columbus Ohio, and has been a huge professional wrestling fanatic for the last ten years. Todd is very interested in all aspects of pro wrestling, including what goes on when the cameras aren’t rolling. Todd is very excited to write about his passion, and will try his best to entertain and provoke the wrestling fans.

Order TNA: Kurt Angle: Champion on DVD by clicking here.

Order the WWE Hulk Hogan’s Unreleased Collector’s Series DVD collection by clicking here.

Order Hulk Hogan’s autobiography, My Life Outside the Ring by clicking here.

2009 was quite the year for Total Nonstop Action Wrestling, which had its share of ups and downs. This is the year where TNA went through a substantial slump in PPV quality, but also a year where IMPACT ratings began to increase, with the signing of several well known figures in the professional wrestling business. Now, let’s break down 2009, with the TNA Wrestling Year In Review 2009 Awards!

TNA Wrestler Of The Year Award Goes To…

The current TNA World Heavyweight Champion, “The Phenomenal One” AJ Styles!

What a year 2009 was for Mr. AJ Styles! As one of the originals here in TNA, AJ really broke out, as a top contender on the TNA roster this year, capturing TNA heavyweight gold at Sacrifice, in a 4-way matchup, against Matt Morgan, Kurt Angle, and Sting. As AJ hit the 450 splash for the win, the roof blew off the IMPACT Zone, as the hundreds and hundreds of TNA fans flooded the ring in celebration. Despite what many critics laid claim to, AJ went on to hang onto the gold for quite some time, and still hold on to the gold today. He went on to retain the title against Sting at Bound For Glory, retained the title against Samoa Joe and Daniels in an epic encounter at Turning Point, and recently retained that same title at Final resolution, by defeating Daniels once again an another epic bout. Those are a few of the reasons, among many, that AJ Styles deserves this year’s TNA Wrestler Of The Year Award!

TNA Match Of The Year Award Goes To…

Kurt Angle VS. Jeff Jarrett From Genesis!

What a classic match this truly was, and to boot, this took place in Charlotte, North Carolina, on the very first TNA PPV of the new year! Deciding the best match of TNA in 2009, was a very daunting task, as many classic wrestling matches have recently taken place, including the two great bouts between Desmond Wolfe and Kurt Angle, the incredible 3-way match between Samoa Joe, Daniels, and AJ Styles for the world title at Turning Point, Kurt Angle vs. Matt Morgan from Bound For Glory, The AJ Styles vs. Kurt Angle time limit draw match from IMPACT, among others! After countless hours of reasoning and reviewing, I have obviously decided to give this award to Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Jarrett from Genesis. The reason I chose this bout over all the others, is because it was an incredible wrestling match, with magnificent psychology to boot! This twenty plus minute match, took us on a proverbial roller coaster, making us feel the emotion going through the bodies of both gladiators. Both of these veterans make us feel their pain, feel their desperation, feel their fatigue, feel their sheer exhaustion. In the end, “The Olympic Gold Medalist” Kurt Angle got the victory, continuing the beat down on Jarrett even after the bell. This was truly a classic, and deserves nothing less, than TNA Match Of The Year!

TNA Angle Of The Year Goes To…

The Main Event Mafia VS. The TNA Front Line Feud!

With honorable mention to angles such as the Sting/Kurt Angle saga,The Main Event Mafia vs. the Front Line feud was, without question, the angle of the year. This feud dominated the better portion of the entire year of 2009 in TNA. After making their debut as an established stable in late 2008, the Main Event mafia went on to wage war with the TNA Front Line, in 2009, in a battle for power and supremacy, much like the WCW vs. the NWO angle back in the day. Here in TNA, the MEM and the Front Line battled it out many times, including a big six man tag match at Genesis, a Lethal Lockdown match at Lockdown, and several group warfare type matches, not to mention countless world title matches featuring representatives from each respective stable. So, as you can see, this was defiantly the biggest, most perpetual TNA Angle Of The Year!

TNA Story Of The Year Goes To..

The Announcement Of Hulk Hogan Officially Signing With TNA!

Without question, the biggest story of the year in TNA, if not all of professional wrestling, is the announcement of Hulk Hogan signing with TNA Wrestling! Although rumored for quite some time before, this official announcement left the professional wrestling world reeling! The following is the official announcement via TNA’s official website;

“Hulkamania” is back! The biggest name in professional wrestling history, Hulk Hogan, is joining Total Non-Stop Action Wrestling (TNA), the fastest rising wrestling organization in the world and home to one of cable television’s highest rated shows for young men, TNA iMPACT! The announcement was made by TNA Wrestling in conjunction with Spike TV at a press conference held in New York City.

As far as we know, Hulk Hogan is going to be in some sort of management role with TNA Wrestling, and will be making his all so anticipated debut on a live addition of IMPACT, on Monday night, January 4, 2010, going head to head with WWE Monday Night RAW!

Whether it be for one night only or not, this will be the fist time in nearly 10 years, that we will witness a Monday Night War! This is another announcement that deserves honorable mention, and rightfully so! This can all be attributed to the signing of Hulk Hogan with TNA, which is why am awarding that signing, TNA Story Of The Year!

Overall, 2009 was a bad and good year for TNA Wrestling. With January 4 anticipation in the air, this could have the potential to be another hot era for professional wrestling! After giving out the awards, all that’s left to do, is sit back, relax, and enjoy what TNA brings us in 2010!

Win a TNA Prize Pack here on CamelClutchBlog.com. Click here for details and entering!

*Be sure to check out my very new pro wrestling news site, at www.elitewrestlingnews.blogspot.com! Also, I’m looking for writers!

Todd Frizzell is from Columbus Ohio, and has been a huge professional wrestling fanatic for the last ten years. Todd is very interested in all aspects of pro wrestling, including what goes on when the cameras aren’t rolling. Todd is very excited to write about his passion, and will try his best to entertain and provoke the wrestling fans.

Order TNA: Kurt Angle: Champion on DVD by clicking here.

Check out TNA Wrestling: Sting – Return of an Icon on DVD by clicking here.