This past week after the WWE Royal Rumble and after Edge making a “surprise” appearance and making a surprise win of the Rumble match, we saw both Raw and SmackDown entrances for the Elimination Chamber pay-per-view in a couple of weeks.

If you didn’t read my thoughts on the WWE Royal Rumble pay-per-view, I am surprise that Edge won the Rumble. One thing I am surprised at is it seems like they are still building towards a Edge/Jericho match at WrestleMania. Why would I say that? Shawn Michaels didn’t win the Royal Rumble. Shawn Michaels didn’t win his match to get into the Raw Elimination Chamber. And Shawn Michaels wants to face the Undertaker at WrestleMania. I can see, and I would like to see, but I’ll be surprise if this happens that Michaels screws the Dead Man somehow at the PPV, costing him the World Heavyweight title.

That’s what I would like to see, but that’s a few weeks in advance. But to look at it more, on Raw, Edge commented on Jericho. How those two once were Unified Tag Team Champions then Edge got injured, and Chris Jericho was happy about that. Jericho said that he and the Big Show were better tag champs than he and Edge would ever have made. That made Edge upset. And on SmackDown, Jericho came out during Edge’s talk segment, “the Cutting Edge.”

I may be reading into it a little too much, but I think the WWE Creative may be doing something that they’ve been teasing since the summer. Granted if this happens, I can see Edge winning the World Heavyweight title from Jericho, but it would set up a feud that could be brought into the summer if Jericho doesn’t leave to tour with Fozzy. But either way, it would still be awesome seeing Jericho holding the World title for a few weeks and seeing him and Edge face each other at WrestleMania, adding the World title on top of it!

But to be honest, it was nice seeing matches this past week on Monday Night Raw. How Raw is normally the more entertainment show. This past week, we did see a lot more wrestling than we normally do see, and I enjoyed that. Even thought it seems like such matches like John Cena/Cody Rhodes was more of a squash match than anything, I still enjoyed Raw.

And Bret Hart made another appearance on Raw. It seems like they are going towards a Mr. McMahon/Batista versus Bret Hart/John Cena match at WrestleMania. I would rather see a tag match with those two over having another Batista/Cena match and having McMahon/Hart in their respected corners. But that’s my personal opinion.

Gee’s, it seems like this past week, they’re doing a lot of build-up for WrestleMania. And if they are going towards what they’re teasing, I may enjoy WrestleMania this year. This is Eric Darsie from Minnesota, going to wrap this up for I can enjoy the Super Bowl, goodbye!

Check out more of Eric’s blogs at http://jericholic2009.blogspot.com.

Order the WWE – Edge: A Decade of Decadence DVD byclicking here.

Order the WWE Royal Rumble – The Complete Anthology, Vol. 1

Order the WWE Royal Rumble – The Complete Anthology, Vol. 2 (1993-1997)

Order the WWE Royal Rumble – The Complete Anthology, Vol. 3

From the ring to your wall – WWE REAL.BIG Wall Graphics on sale now at Fat Head!

-We are live from my brother Josh’s house in rural New Jersey, where the snow is plenty, and the salty snacks are….uhh…equally plenty? It’s the 23rd annual World Wrestling Entertainment Royal Rumble, and, as we all know, this is an event that is IMPOSSIBLE to screw up. Unless Vince wins it.

-Tonight, I’m joined by my brother Josh (well, duh), and our long time friends Dave and Rob, all of whom are wrestling fans. Well, actually, Josh only cares for the major events these days, Dave’s mostly given up due to the crappy booking, and Rob’s been out of the loop since Billy and Chuck’s wedding (he never got over Crash Holly’s death, but that’s because he just found out about it last week. From me. Talk about out of the loop….)

-Jack Korpela’s 30 minute hard sell precedes the big event. Insert “Bud Bundy” joke here.

-The promo video features the bigger stars on the roster proclaiming themselves to be “The One”. Like Neo? Well, Ted Dibiase’s proven to have his acting range….

-Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Matt Striker are our hosts for the evening. Well, if it keeps Josh Mathews off camera, then I’m all for it. His only good quality is his speaking voice, which sounds like that of Eric Gargiulo before puberty. I kid, Eric’s all man, and is the greatest indie commentator of all time (I love you, Eric, please don’t get rid of me). My brother takes this time to say “This better be worth $45″, which is a not so subtle reminder for Dave and I to reach for our wallets. Gracious host you are, Josh.

-Lawler calls the Rumble “his favorite pay per view of the year”. What’d Wrestlemania and its explosive budget ever do to you?

-Up first, Christian defends his ECW Championship against Ezekiel “Bad News Brown meets Dr. Bannister” Jackson. One Mississippi, two Mississ—oh sorry, ECW Title match. These usually don’t get more than 20 seconds on PPV. Oh wait, looks like WWE’s feeling generous tonight!

-Past three minutes, shockingly, and dare I say Ezekiel’s looking fairly solid. Christian’s reining him in superbly, as a veteran should. Though my friends and I can’t get past Ezekiel’s wrinkled head. If those rolls sagged anymore, he’d have the King Kong Bundy Memorial Neck-Roll going.

-Between Christian’s clap-happiness and Ezekiel’s super stiff clotheslines, I feel like I’m watching an extended “feature bout” on All American Wrestling. Feel free to wikipediate that one, kids.

-Christian lands the Killswitch and retains the gold. I thought they might drop it to Zeke, so that Christian would have no strings for a brand jump. I loudly wonder if Christian will enter the Rumble and win it, just so he challenge for a different title and abandon ECW post haste.

-Do you like comedy? Do ya? Then you should check out the segment between Cryme Tyme, Teddy Long, Tiffany, and Great Khali, where no such comedy occurred. Ever think the day would come where The Miz would be the voice of reason? Someone should do a column on that….

-Randy Orton and Cody Rhodes have a manly heart to heart while a pink shirt is visible on a hanger behind them. If that wasn’t intentional subtlety, then I’ll just pretend that it is.

-Thank you, Skillet, for the PPV theme. The viewing group goes around the room suggesting better names for the band, such as “Wok”, “Strainer”, “Frying Pan”, and “Anything”.

-Ooooh, bonus match between MVP and The Miz for the US Title. Works for me. I’m digging the mic work between the two, so I’m happy to see them. Especially if it subtracts from Michelle McCool later on.

-Wow, the crowd’s really into this one. Scarily enough, they’re behind Miz about 85%. See what happens when a good talker reaches the audience. Just please, Stu Hart in the Heavens, don’t turn Miz face. Remember Randy Orton in 2004, Vince. Remember Orton.

-Miz wins a short-but-sweet one, clean as a sheet. Kinda dumb to end it like that, given that MVP’s whole mantra is standing up to the stuck-up snob, and needs to be able to fight from underneath. Afterward, MVP lays out Miz to a chorus of boos. C’mon, WWE, Atlanta likes for their losers to lose graciously. WCW curled up, accepted defeat, and died easily, you know. It’s how the city rolls.

-William Shatner’s hosting Raw! Rob and I reminisce about his singing endeavors. I think I would actually cheer Triple H if he came out to Mr. Tambourine Man.

-Here we go, Sheamus and Randy Orton for the WWE Title. Michael Cole tells us that Sheamus is a star, and, well, is Cole ever wrong? Sheamus already has Rob’s support, due to Rob’s personal mantra: if he’s Irish, he’s my hero. The only Irishman Rob doesn’t like is Bobby Sands, mostly because he let food go to waste.

-Orton wins the crowd’s hearts, mostly because he’s not Sheamus. Sheamus busts out the 1978 offense with a Polish hammer. Do Warsaw and Dublin have a grudge of any kind? I want to make a good ethnic joke, but I want to make sure that the circumstances are perfect. Oh well, the mood’s passed.

-While the pace slows down, now’s a good time to mention that Lawler’s actually calling the match. Matt Striker’s like a miracle worker. He gets people to do their jobs and do them efficiently. If he worked on the production staff for Waterworld, I believe that the movie would have turned a profit four times over. Really.

-Oops, Cody Rhodes just got Orton disqualified. Lame. The Legacy troubles continue as Orton punks out both Cody and Ted Dibiase before getting laid out by Sheamus. So, in the pecking order, the ruler is the red headed Irish guy. I never would have guessed that the brain trust of WWE would be named “McMahon” with THAT kind of logic.

-We have nothing left to say, except for Dave noting that Orton made it the whole match with nary a chinlock. Must be a personal record. Also, I decided that Sheamus looks like a cross between Conan “Coco” O’Brien and The Warlord. My new name for him: The Coke Lord.

(See? Now even YOU would cheer for him with THAT name)

-Michelle McCool vs. Mickie James is up next. I have no patience to watch the promo video, so I go to piss and Rob goes to smoke, leaving Josh and Dave to deal with the horror. I emerge from the bathroom five minutes later (also checking my facebook mobile in the interim), only to find Josh and Dave with bewildered looks on their face. I don’t know if that’s the reaction that WWE wanted with the “Piggy James” angle, but there you go.

-Michelle McCool cuts an in ring promo. Dave laments that he wishes he’d taken up smoking like Rob.

-Mickie wins in 20 seconds. So glad that we got a blowaway pay-off for THAT epic feud. Rob lumbers back to find that the match is over. The real winner: big tobacco.

-Now THIS should be interesting: Undertaker vs. Rey Mysterio for the World Heavyweight Title, in their first ever singles match. We’ll all intrigued, because there’s no real angle here (barring Batista’s hatred of both). I guess it’ll be just a straight up, one on one match, one with no chicanery, where the best man wins. Wait, isn’t that what each match is supposed to be in theory? Why did it sound so ironic?

-Undertaker’s unitard is on loan from the Steve Borden Collection. The guyliner is Undertaker’s show of solidarity for Adam Lambert, who is at the Grammys and couldn’t be at the Rumble in person. After all, Adam Lambert = kid friendly.

-Typical Mysterio ingenuity, with Taker’s pacing. It’s an unusual combination, but it just works. These two men just don’t have bad matches anymore. Having a good match is more about experience and instinct, as opposed to complicated hard-landing maneuvers. Hate to break it to certain people. *COUGH*SMARKS*COUGH*.

-For instance, Undertaker tries his usual moves and Rey has a brand new counter for them. Same in reverse, as Taker has some neato reversals to Rey’s offerings. Tell me that’s not appealing from a fan’s standpoint. Two guys who have been overexposed can have a fun match with just some minor tweaks. I feel like I’m explaining how a light switch works.

-Blood! Oh, wow, someone better clean Taker off, or Linda will lose her Senate bid! Or something.

-Undertaker wins it with the Last Ride. Great exhibition, fun match, not enough superlatives in the world. No wonder WWE doesn’t turn over the roster with regularity anymore: they don’t want to lose the guys that have these great instincts. Yeah, Triple H is a political wank, but when does he have bad matches anymore? There’s something to be said about timing and experience inside the ring.

-Interesting segment, as Shawn Michaels is watching backstage on a monitor, only to be approached by Kane, who has some words with him, and then leaves the dressing room. My question: was Kane just hanging out in Shawn’s locker room and Shawn didn’t notice him? You have no idea the psychological effect this had on us.

-Royal Rumble time! Always good fun. I’m giddy. Can you tell?

-#1 is Dolph Ziggler, #2 is Evan Bourne. Well, looks like no one’s going coast to coast THIS year. After some standard opening exchanges, CM Punk (along V for Serena) is #3, quickly dumping both, just so he can pontificate to the masses on the wonders of Straight-Edginess and the perils of showering. Well, he’s got me half-interested.

-#4 is JTG, and he’s in and out. More preaching from Punk. Until Great Khali comes in at #5 and Punk offers some life lessons. Maybe he’ll teach him some new moves. Khali doesn’t like the idea of learning and attacks, but Beth Phoenix(?) is #6. She manages to dump Khali via a kiss. Quite frankly, I’m not sure who I feel more sorry for.

-After Punk gives Beth a stiff GTS and tosses her, Zack Ryder is #7. Punk doesn’t even waste his breath. Love ya, Punk. Ryder’s sent home to Snooki. Triple H is #8. Yeah, I think the sermon is over.

-Hunter’s in a good mood, and lets Punk live until #9 (Drew McIntyre) before sending him flying. What’s up with Hunter’s gut? Sympathy weight? Is Stephanie pregnant again? Maybe Hunter should have let Punk save him from the pitfalls of Ring Dings.

-Here comes Mid Card Mania! Ted Dibiase (#10), Kane (#11), John Morrison (#12), and Cody Rhodes (#13). If Hunter were Britney, then we know who the back-up dancers are

-MVP is #14, but Miz punks him out to keep the feud alive. Carlito is #15, Miz himself is #16. And hereeee comes MVP to take Miz and himself out. See, the US Title is more important than Wrestlemania to MVP. Barry Windham would be so proud.

-After Matt Hardy goes in and out at #17 (running away from conflict?), Shawn Michaels intercedes at #18 and helps Hunter clean house of, well, everyone. Until….

-John Cena is #20. Something’s gotta give! Or sell.

-And it’s….Triple H who gets dumped out by Shawn! WOAH. Our friend Dave claps at this development. Dave is a lifelong Bret Hart fan who went through homicidal rage after Montreal, and has made it clear that Shawn Michaels is welcome to die at anytime. So how much does Dave hate HHH? He clapped for Shawn. Highlight of the night for me.

-After some quick eliminations (Shelton Benjamin at #21, Yoshi Tatsu at #22), we come roaring down the homestretch with Big Show at #23. He brought his working boots too, working a fun sequence with Shawn and Cena that teases eliminations for all. But, you know, they’re not HALF the worker that Austin Aries is.

-Mark Henry in at #23, Chris Masters in at #24. Hold me back.

-R-Truth is #25 and he dumps Henry and Show together! If you had $10 in the “I’ll bet R-Truth dumps two 400+ pounders at the same time” pool, then you’re going to Hell for lying.

-Jack Swagger comes running in at #26, giving a visual to Denis Leary’s “handicapped people make handicapped faces” lyric. I apologize for the tastelessness of that statement. Nobody, no matter how retarded, looks as goofy as Swagger.

-I should note that Masters was eliminated a while ago. I just now noticed. Whoops.

-Kofi Kingston is #27, and Chris “Black Eyed Peas” Jericho is #28. Hard to really pick a winner here. Truth is not long for the world however. See, THAT you would’ve bet on.

-”You think you know me…”

-Yup, Edge is #29 and Jericho’s about to take the worst beating of his life since….well, last week. Sure enough, 320 pound Adam Copeland is a house of fire! Just don’t hit him in the legs, guys, we may need him. There goes Jericho, for the record. Guess that would be his “punishment”

-Batista rounds out the field at #30, after Kofi and Swagger both go. Tremendous final four, as you’re still clueless as to who has this one won. Compare it to 1998, when the field was Austin, a still-midcard Rock, Dude Love, and Faarooq. Well, that’s one up over the Attitude Era. Still down by 47,000 points overall, though.

-Shawn bites the bullet first, and then he flips out over having to job. For those wondering what life was like backstage in 1995, here you go. Though it’s missing the part where Shawn has to step over the passed out carcass of Louie Spicolli to complain about doing a job.

-Batista goes next, leading us to think that Cena’s going to dump the lethargic Edge and get his vengeance on Coke Lord at Wrestlemania, but fate throws us a curveball. Edge tosses Cena to win and the place comes unglued. I’m in a room where I’m the least jaded fan (that’s saying something) and we all marked hard for the finish. Then we all fell back into our chairs because, well, we’re in our twenties and thirties. We can only mark twice a night before our bodies give out.

And so it was a fun night. Good wrestling, good twists, exactly what a PPV should be. So maybe I’ll stop being cynical for a little while and let the kid in me take over.

Maybe we’ll hire Matt Striker to rein us in on our jobs as “fans”.

When he isn’t watching WWE, TNA, or his beloved Philadelphia Eagles and Phillies, Justin Henry can be found writing. It is his passion as well as his goal in life to become a well-regarded (as well as well-paid) columnist or author. Subscribe to The Cynical Examination, his wrestling blog, at http://www.facebook.com.

Order the WWE – Edge: A Decade of Decadence DVD.

Order the WWE Royal Rumble – The Complete Anthology, Vol. 1

Order the WWE Royal Rumble – The Complete Anthology, Vol. 2 (1993-1997)

Order the WWE Royal Rumble – The Complete Anthology, Vol. 3

From the ring to your wall – WWE REAL.BIG Wall Graphics on sale now at Fat Head!

Sunday, January 31st, 2010-Philips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia, is the host of the Royal Rumble. For me right now, it’s 5:17 pm, less than two hours before the WWE Royal Rumble. Also for me, it’s the calm before the storm, being able to listen to Fozzy’s “Chasing the Grail” while doing some writing homework, I thought I put some thoughts down before the Rumble event. I am interested on seeing how long Jericho will be in the Rumble match with his arrest this past week, and I am interested on seeing if Triple H will actually win the Royal Rumble match like expected and some are predicting. I have mix feelings on both situations, both I have listed in the WWE Week in Review article that is out today on CCB.com. But yeah, just nervous on not knowing how many numbers who will come over for the night; I am hosting the Royal Rumble at my apartment. But I should get back to doing homework, but am excited for the event! Let’s get ready to Rumble! YES!

The Royal Rumble Starts, Now!

The trio at the color commentator’s both is Jerry “the King” Lawler, Michael Cole, and Matt Striker. I wish Jim Ross was around, for it would be Lawler, J.R., and Striker.

Extreme Championship Wrestling Championship Match: Christian [c] vs. Ezekiel Jackson

This started out as kind of a slower match. Me personally, a good start for the Rumble event. William Regal was going to attack Christian outside, and the ref caught him right before he had a chance to do anything, and before he had a chance, the ref threw out Regal. That sucks, but we will see him later in the event [7:10pm]. After this happened, Jackson had control of the match, and he’s had control for most of the match. I have a feeling that Christian will win the match and retain the title [7:12pm]. Jackson get’s a two-count and my buddy Aaron walks into my apartment [7:13pm]. Jackson hits a huge clothesline and get’s a two-count [7:15pm and 7:17pm]. Out of the blue, Christian hit’s the Killswitch Engage and get’s the victory [7:18pm].

Winner: Christian, still ECW Champion.

Backstage segment with Tiffiany, Cryme Tyme, Teddy Long, and the Great Khali. They all try to get both members of Cryme Tyme into the Rumble. So far, this is a funny segment. They reference Family Matters. The Miz shows up. Teddy Long announces Miz versus MVP for the U.S. title, next. Cody comes in and visits Orton backstage. Rhodes announces that he will be behind Orton no matter out. It doesn’t matter about DiBiase, Rhodes will partners with Orton.

United States Heavyweight Championship Match: The Miz [c] vs. MVP

Miz comes out with a bitter look on his face [7:26pm]. MVP has his pyro go off. For my friends and I, it’s “Mini-Cool Aid Mang!” YES! This is a faster paced match than the last match. I’m happy to see that. I am not really getting too much into this match. Miz is on top rope and waiting, and hits the double axe handle [7:31pm]. MVP went “ballin’” and hit a big boot onto the Miz and got a two-count [7:34pm]. I don’t know why the Miz doesn’t get himself counted out, and write when I wrote this, the Miz got the victory with a small package [7:35pm]. After that, MVP took out Miz.

Winner: The Miz, still the U.S. Champion.

The Big Show sees Chris Jericho. Show tells Jericho that he’s jealous that he and the Miz have more chemistry than the team of Jeri-Show. Jericho throws out all his big words describing the Miz. Jericho states that the team of Jeri-Show was the best tag team champions of all tag champs. R-Truth then comes in, and says that he’ll throw out Jericho. DiBiase runs into Orton, and DiBiase says that Rhodes has been acting up on him. It seems like both men are trying to butter up Orton. DiBiase says he’s behind Orton.

World Wrestling Entertainment Heavyweight Championship Match: Sheamus [c] vs. Randy Orton

I love Sheamus’ theme song [7:43pm]. One of my buddies thinks Sheamus’ beard is one of the ugliest beards that he’s ever seen. That’s sad, I like his beard. Orton get’s a pop [7:44pm]. I’m surprised. I think Orton is getting pushed as a babyface. That’s kind of odd. Vintage Orton! Randy is taking forever to get to the ring. It’s 7:45pm, and he isn’t in the ring yet. I also noticed that the champions have been coming out first out of the three matches so far. That’s odd, how normally the champion’s come out second. Justin Roberts does his ring intros at 7:47pm. Nice standing drop kick from Orton [7:49pm]. One of the announcers’s even growled. The ten of us who are here all laughed. A slower based match, something that I think is a nice change from the last match. Orton is kicking at the thighs of Sheamus [7:51pm]. Spinning told hold from Orton to Sheamus [7:52pm]. Single-arm DDT from the champion and a two-count [7:55pm]. The crowd is totally in the match, and I love it. Sheamus tries for his finisher, the “Razor’s Edge,” and Orton get’s out and pushes Sheamus out of the ring [7:58pm]. Orton goes for the punt, Sheamus rolls out of the ring, and the crowd boos [7:59pm]. Cody Rhodes comes out and attacks Sheamus, and Orton hits the RKO, and the bell gets called [8:00pm]. Sheamus gets called for victory, as a disqualification.

Winner: Sheamus, still the WWE Champion, after a disqualification from Cody Rhodes.

Legacy is officially broken up. Orton attacks DiBiase and Rhodes, and then Sheamus big boots Orton. Maybe, just maybe, DiBiase and Orton may team up with Sheamus? I would love to see that. But DiBiase and Rhodes aren’t with Orton anymore. It’s about time. The women’s match is next.

WWE Women’s Championship Match: Michelle McCool [c] vs. Mickie James

Michelle is coming out first. I wonder why all the champions, now number four, is coming out first again. Michelle get’s a mic and talks. McCool talks about how “fat” Mickie is. McCool claims that Mickie is forfeiting the match. Layla comes out in a fat suit, and then Mickie comes out. Mickie took out the “Piggy James” Layla [8:13pm]. DDT from Mickie and has the three count [8:13pm]!

Winner: Mickie James, the new Women’s champion.

After the match, Mickie roundhouse kicks Layla. A cake gets brought out by the divas and Mickie puts it in Michelle’s and Layla’s face, and they both start to scream. I am happy that this match lasted less than a minute. I think the match lasted maybe 30 seconds. Mysterio is showed backstage, getting ready for his match. Now the video package airs for the World title match.

World Heavyweight Championship Match: the Undertaker [c] vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio is coming out now [8:21pm]. This is a first; the challenger is coming out first. Out of the five title matches, this is the only match where the challenger is coming out first. Lights out and the Undertaker come out and his music plays [8:23pm]. Undertaker finally gets to the ring steps and the lights come on [8:25pm]. Tony Chimel announces the guys at 8:26pm. Mysterio kicks the shin [8:27pm]. Undertaker throws Mysterio over the top rope after Mysterio punches him in the corner [8:28pm]. Awesome punch, Mysterio tries to jump back into the ring and Taker hits him, and Mysterio falls back outside the ring [8:29pm]. “It’s like swatting a fly” one of my friends just said. Vintage Undertaker, a leg drop onto Mysterio on the ring apron [8:30pm]. I really like the match. Mysterio tries to make the match up a notch and make it fast and the Undertaker hits one move and takes it slow. “Vintage Satan” says another one of my friends, talking about the Undertaker. Moonsault from Mysterio to Taker outside the ring [8:32pm], and Taker is bleeding from the mouth. One punch from the Undertaker, and Mysterio is out on the mat [8:36pm]. I really enjoy this match. Mysterio “drops the dime” and gets a two-count [8:37pm]. 619 connects, twice, goes for the West Coast Pop, and the Last Ride by the Undertaker [8:38pm]! YES!

Winner: the Undertaker, via the Last Ride! All these matches seem short, and I like it, and the Undertaker is still the World Heavyweight Champion.

Michaels and Kane are backstage, and Kane told HBK that his obsession with the Undertaker is bad. Kane leaves and Triple H comes in, and wishes HBK luck. Michaels said that the best man should win tonight. They shake hands. Michaels said he wants to face Taker at WrestleMania, and Triple H said he knows, and he will get him. A movie shows for WrestleMania, 56 days away (for Sunday, the night of the Rumble).

The Royal Rumble Match!

Here’s the enterances.

[1] Dolph Ziggler
[2] Evan Bourne
[3] CM Punk
[4] JTG
[5] The Great Khail
[6] Beth Phenoix
[7] Zach Ryder
[8] Triple H
[9] Drew McIntyre
[10] Ted DiBiase
[11] John Morrison
[12] Kane
[13] Cody Rhodes
[14] MVP
[15] Carlito
[16] The Miz
[17] Matt Hardy
[18] Shawn Michaels
[19] John Cena
[20] Shelton Benjamin
[21] Yoshi Tatsu
[22] The Big Show
[23] Mark Henry
[24] Chris Masters
[25] R-Truth
[26] Jack Swagger
[27] Kofi Kingston
[28] Chris Jericho
[29] Edge
[30] Batista

The last four guys were John Cena, Shawn Michaels, Edge, and Batista. When Edge got in right away, he did eliminate Jericho, which was expected. I did write down who got eliminated by whom, but for some odd reason, my numbers got mixed up, so I’m sorry for not having that list for you guys. But yeah, when it was the final four guys eliminated were

[26] Chris Jericho by Edge
[27] Shawn Michaels by Batista
[28] Batista by John Cena
[29] John Cena by Edge

Edge wins the the Royal Rumble

Besides Edge winning the Rumble, the other two surprises for me were Michaels eliminating Triple H and Michaels being eliminated. The announcers quit talking after Michaels was eliminated, I think McMahon was telling them what to saw afterward, which kind of tells me Michaels was expected to win, and Triple H being eliminated because it was expected that Triple H to win. At least Edge never won the Rumble before, and at least he wasn’t number 30. But this is Eric Darsie from Minnesota, happy that I ordered the Royal Rumble, and happy that I will order WrestleMania XXVI because Triple H didn’t win the Royal Rumble, goodbye and goodnight!

Check out more of Eric’s blogs at http://jericholic2009.blogspot.com.

Order the WWE – Edge: A Decade of Decadence DVD byclicking here.

Order the WWE Royal Rumble – The Complete Anthology, Vol. 1

Order the WWE Royal Rumble – The Complete Anthology, Vol. 2 (1993-1997)

Order the WWE Royal Rumble – The Complete Anthology, Vol. 3

From the ring to your wall – WWE REAL.BIG Wall Graphics on sale now at Fat Head!

Normally the week before the pay-per-view, I would discuss the “Go Home” week for the World Wrestling Entertainment. Some things did shock me this past week on the WWE television. Such things that did surprise me was Triple H and Shawn Michaels both having matches on Friday Night SmackDown, where Triple H fought CM Punk and Shawn Michaels fought Rey Mysterio.

The reason why it surprises me is because that Shawn Michaels has Wednesday mornings dedicated to his bible studies down in his hometown with his church. And whatever Triple H gets, he wants. But I won’t go on a rant about Triple H. As of writing this piece, the Royal Rumble hasn’t happened yet, but I kind of have a feeling that I will be ranting about Triple H after the Rumble. Be prepared for that and be ready for that.

For me, the biggest story has to come out of Kenton County, Kentucky. As most of you, I am sure, heard of already, either reading it here with Eric Gargiulo’s piece about it end of last week or elsewhere, Chris Jericho and “the Hurricane” Shane Helms got arrested for public intoxication.

Matt Hardy was tied in with it, but was nowhere to be found, and reported by Dave Meltzer on one of the Wrestling Observer podcasts, it sounded like Matt Hardy tweeted about what happened, but it was deleted right away after it was posted. To pull a line from Michael Cole, and for my friends, to pull a line from myself, “Vintage Matt Hardy” for going on Twitter.com and tweeting about what happened. Maybe just maybe Matt Hardy should become the official spokesperson for Twitter.com.

I feel like I cannot report anything more about what happened. Like stated above, as writing this piece, it is reported by Bryan Alvarez that the Hurricane is taken off of the Rumble match. That’s a major blow for the Hurricane. And he was reported to be WWE.com’s Superstar of the Day, until the office got wind that what was reported, and he was taken off. Sorry for not having the day of which Hurricane was the Superstar of the Day.

I am disappointed in Jericho because this past Tuesday the fourth album of his band Fozzy came out. I will admit, Fozzy – Chasing the Grail is a jam packed album. I am in love with the album, I am a huge fan of the other three albums, “Fozzy,” “Happenstance,” and “All That Remains,” they all bring Fozzy to a different table which all consists of rock ‘n’ roll!

Looking past that point, Jericho is a veteran backstage. I’ve ranted before that Triple H has something against Jericho and such, and if that’s true, now Triple H has more firing power to use against Jericho. Jericho was one of my picks for the Rumble match, and now going into the Rumble, I may reconsider choosing someone else for the Rumble [as mentioned before, I am writing this piece before the Rumble. To be honest with you readers, I am writing this before 10am central on Saturday].

As a huge Jerichoholic, I really feel I cannot defend Jericho’s actions. Dave Meltzer, Bryan Alvarez, and Lance Storm all discussed on their different podcasts for the Wrestling Observer/Figure Four Daily, they all feel that they were drunk, wanted to do a drunk wrestling match in the backseat of a cab, and the cabdriver got nervous on what to do, so he pulled over at a gas station and called the cops to have them come and help out, and whatever happened, happened. I am saddened that this did happen, because like said, I am a huge Jericho fan, and I am neutral on Helms and Hardy. Well with Hardy and Helms, I really never got behind them and if they were stupid enough to let something like this happen, it should be on their head, as well as Chris Jericho.

But to conclude this piece, I want to say that we shouldn’t hold this against these men’s in-ring work. We should leave what they do in the ring in the ring, and what they do outside there. Like for Ric Flair, he lost a lot of respect to a lot of people. Me, I still think he’s great. I do not hold what crap he has done since WrestleMania XXIV to his 36 year career beforehand. So let’s try our best on do the same with these men and let’s hope they don’t get possible pushes that was planned before hand. This is Eric Darsie from Minnesota, enjoying listen to the song “Wormwood” off the “Chasing the Grail” album of Fozzy, goodbye!

Check out more of Eric’s blogs at http://jericholic2009.blogspot.com.

Grab all of Fozzy’s music off of the iTunes.com Music Store by clicking here.

Check out the Fozzy catalog of CDs and MP3 downloands on Amazon.com by clicking here.

With two songs that I absolutely fell in love with at least a month ago if not before, “Hero” by Skillet and “Martyr No More” by Fozzy, I’ve been jamming to out even more now on my iPod due to the fact they are the official theme songs for this year’s Royal Rumble! YES! Same with WWE’s Hell in a Cell ppv, I am surprised that they’re having Skillet because they are a Christian Rock band and Fozzy, I’m not surprised, because they had “Enemy” from the “All That Remains” album as their ppv theme song for No Way Out back in 2005, with the lead singer being the one and only Chris Jericho! Another YES!

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Babyface Champion versus Babyface Challenger

With the description I’m giving this match up, if I was a betting man (or mang, if you hang at my place every Monday night for WWE Raw), I would put my money on a babyface to walk out of the Rumble as World Heavyweight Champion. To put all jokes aside here, it is World Heavyweight Champion the Undertaker taking on his challenger Rey Mysterio.

A match that I find very interesting, this match, because of WWE Creative is putting two babyfaces against one another. Why that’s interesting and strikes me a little odd because I feel like the WWE could move this main event to another pay-per-view, and in past Rumble history, normally the World title main events at the Rumbles are usually put champion against challengers who normally don’t or wouldn’t get a chance for the title.

But in the end, I think this match would and could be one of the best title matches on the card on Sunday because these two men are some of the best that’s in the company today. Who can I see walk out as champion? It is hard for me to see Undertaker losing to Mysterio, and it would be hard for me to see Mysterio winning the title where it seems like it will be Taker/Michaels at WrestleMania.

Prediction: Rey Mysterio, new World Heavyweight Champion [I will explain more later].

WWE Championship Match: Heel Champion versus Heel Challenger

Along with the World Heavyweight Championship match, if I was a betting man, I would place money on the heel to walk out of the Rumble as WWE Champion. It’s odd that the WWE Creative is having heel WWE Champion Sheamus defending his title against heel challenger Randy Orton.

This match strikes me as odd. I don’t know what to make of this match. Who can I see win this match? I really don’t know. I can tell you who I want to win, and in ways I don’t like going with who I want to win because normally who I want to win normally loses.

But this match should, hopefully, be a decent match. Like said, hopefully.

Prediction: Sheamus, still the WWE Champion.

WWE Royal Rumble match

Trying to pick a stray out of 30 and picking the right one is extremely hard, and as of Saturday, January 23th, there are only 24 men named. So I am gonna go with a couple of names of guys who are listed as who I can see win and a couple of numbers that I can see possibly win.

Prediction 1: Shawn Michaels. The “Heartbreak Kid” wants a match with the Undertaker. If the Undertaker retains the World title at the Rumble, I can see HBK winning the Rumble and facing the Undertaker at WrestleMania XXVI for the World Heavyweight Championship.

Prediction 2: Chris Jericho. I would love to see at WrestleMania XXVI, for the World Heavyweight Championship, being Rey Mysterio defending the title against challenger Chris Jericho. But would this happen? I don’t think so. Would I like to see this happen? Yes. Why can’t I see this happening? Triple H. Enough said.

Prediction 3: Kane. A guy who has the record for most eliminations in a single Rumble back in 2001 Rumble. Who else, in the main event scene, deserves a title match at WrestleMania than Kane? I think if Kane is going to do it, this will be the year of the Big Red Machine.

Numbers Predictions: 3, 5, 17, 23, and 27. Why these numbers? Ric Flair won his first WWE title as number three in the 1992 Royal Rumble, Steve Austin won the 1997 Rumble as number 5, 17, I don’t know, 23, Lex Lugar was one of two men to win the 1994 Rumble, and 27’s the most won Rumble number. So as of numbers, I am going with that the Rumble winner to come out as one of those numbers.

To conclude, this is the Rumble predictions that I’m putting out. Let’s see how well I’m gonna do. This is Eric Darsie from Minnesota, disliking the current weather outside, goodbye.

Check out more of Eric’s blogs at http://jericholic2009.blogspot.com.

Order the WWE Royal Rumble – The Complete Anthology, Vol. 1

Order the WWE Royal Rumble – The Complete Anthology, Vol. 2 (1993-1997)

Order the WWE Royal Rumble – The Complete Anthology, Vol. 3

From the ring to your wall – WWE REAL.BIG Wall Graphics on sale now at Fat Head!

Guys, you are NOT going to believe this!

One of my colleagues was taking a tour of Titan Tower recently when, with nobody the wiser, he snuck into the board room of WWE’s crack(ed up) writing staff, and he swiped Vince McMahon’s hand-written script for the 2010 Royal Rumble match!

I know, I know, it would be totally unscrupulous and wrong to post it here and spoil the annual classic to the world, but come on now. This is an incredible scoop!

So here, from the pen and mind of Vinnie Mac, to you, is what lies ahead on January 31.
******

FORMAT

Justin Roberts does formal intros, explaining the rules. If there’s one thing I can’t get enough of, it’s a man with a monotoned voice who whispers the first 85% of a sentence and then grunts the last three or four words. I have no idea why anyone misses Howard Finkel.

1. CM Punk
2. Matt Hardy
Give them ninety seconds to do some nifty reversals and false eliminations. Let the smarks have some memorable moments, so that they’ll be tempted to give the match no less than a *** rating when they write their blogs come Monday morning.

3. Finlay
Finlay’s all-pro, and the fans respect him, so let him mix it up with both Punk and Hardy, playing to their strengths. Tease some more eliminations. It’ll be like Christmas morning for those zit faced virgins.

4. Yoshi Tatsu
Give the impression that we’re elevating talent by having Tatsu go hog wild with kicks and crazy flippy dippy crap. Just for a goof, have Tatsu and Matt hit some old Hardy Boyz double team move on Punk, just to reference the Punk-Jeff Hardy feud from last summer. Those fourteen year old wallflowers who buy the fluorescent armbands will feel really special.

5. Carlito
Continue the glorified stunt show and make those Hot Pocket snarfing smarks feel like we’re totally changing our course. Then have Punk toss out Tatsu after a cheap shot, just to show them who’s boss. If there’s anything funnier than pulling the rug out from under the high expectations of these pale geeks, then I don’t want to know what it is.

6. John Morrison
Morrison has a DVD coming out in February, so it’s showcase time! Moonlight drive for Carlito, Starship Pain for Punk. Let Morrison and Hardy work together, despite being mortal enemies three years ago. Like the kids at home are gonna remember.

7. Jack Swagger
Fans aren’t buying his push. Must be the Deliverance Shuffle™ he does on the way to the ring. Let’s reinforce his need to be pushed by having him dump Finlay. Then the WCW fans that we haven’t demoralized can boo Swags. Have Punk and Hardy keep going at it some more so that the tweener-kids can be distracted from that “wrestling” crap.

8. Kofi Kingston
Time to clear the dead wood! Look, my wife’s running for Senate. We need a black man to go over strong, so that we can swing some votes our way. Adios Carlito and Swagger! Anytime the fans go “BOOM! BOOM!”, I’m closer to a positive blurb in Jet magazine. Credibility, here I come!

9. Dolph Ziggler
Let him wear Matt down with the sleeper hold, and have him actually knock Hardy out with it. Then let Punk dump Hardy with ease. Why? Because I’m secretly delighted by the anguished shrieks of teenage girls, that’s why. It’s the only common ground that Lawler and I have. Also, Kofi and JoMo can tee off on Punk, because DVD sales and minority votes are a key to booking any match.

10. Evan Bourne
Listen carefully: stuntman dive onto Ziggler and Morrison, stuntman elimination when Punk sends him flying. Hear that sound? That’s the pissed off virgins again. Between them and the Hardyphiles, it’s like ebb and flow.

11. R-Truth
Yeah, like I’m going to forget that he once made an album called “InVinceAble” and tried to hand out freebies in the parking lot of Raw a few years back. Ziggler sends Grandmaster Flash out within 45 seconds. Kofi then attacks Ziggler out of racial equality, or something. I need to pay attention more when Linda goes on about ‘political ethics’ or who-what.

12. Mark Henry
More showcasing! Let’s see those Connecticut Democrats call us racist if we have TWO blacks dominating at the same time! Boom boom legdrop by Kingston on Ziggler, World’s Strongest Slam on Punk. Then have Morrison dance with Kofi and Henry to demonstrate that WWE promotes harmony between races. We’re practically civil rights pioneers at this point!

13. William Regal
We need a plausible way to get Morrison tossed out so that he doesn’t outshine DX, Show, Cena, and Batista later. So he dumps out Regal, and then Punk dumps him moments later. Now the fans are catching on that Punk might go the distance. They’ll think we’re pushing him! HAH!

14. Kane
This is where Michael Cole earns his money: he screams about his record breaking year in 2001, where he made eleven dump-outs. Kane’s been in a face-load of Rumbles, which Lawler can hype. It doesn’t change the fact that he’s never once won, but who cares? He chokeslams everyone in the ring, saving Henry for last for the ‘monster pop’. Then he does the pyro thingie with his arms, because it’s more important than actually tossing someone out. The kids’ll love it!

15. Chris Jericho
Now the virgins can stop crying, because here comes their mascot. We’ll throw em a bone and let Jericho end Kofi’s night right about here. We’ll even let Jericho avoid the chokeslam and hit Kane with the Codebreaker. Note those sporadic pops from the disheveled smarks. Remember this lesson: no matter how many times you ground your kids, you can still win their love back with ice cream. It made me the shrewd father that I was for my three kids. Three? Two? Right, two.

16. Shawn Michaels
Time to make the kiddies happy again! Shawn gets to carry four guys (equivalent to one Nash), and let them bounce off of his forearm smashes. Since Shawn’s getting older, this can take up all ninety seconds. Which is good, because now I’m out of ideas.

17. Santino Marella
Comedy spot, Shawn chucks him. More forearm smashes. Jeez, I wish I hadn’t alienated Pat Patterson. He was great at booking these things. Have Shawn throw in a crotch chop too, that’ll eat up some time.

18. The Hurricane
Comedy spot, Shawn chucks him. More forearm smashes. Jeez, I wish I hadn’t alienated Pat Patterson. He was great at booking these things. Have Shawn throw in a crotch chop too, that’ll eat up some time.

19. Drew McIntyre
Comedy spot, Shaw—oops, booking autopilot fail! Ha ha, sorry, I didn’t realize that we were on someone that I wanna actually push! Let Drew toss Mark Henry out. Anytime you throw a 400 pounder out, the fans instantly buy you as a threat. Remember when Cena dumped out Viscera in 2005? I know I’m not the only one!

20. Cody Rhodes
Now we’re in the “take a corner, pretend to be throwing somebody out” phrase. That’s when all but two guys go to the corners and ropes, and the remaining two are highlighted in the ring. It keeps the ADD-addled fans from getting confused. Anyway, Cody tussles with Michaels and actually hits the Cross Rhodes. If they can stretch this out ninety seconds, we may yet get hailed as geniuses.

21. Edge
Gotta set up Edge-Jericho for Mania, so Edge goes nuts and throws Jericho out as revenge for the heinous act of choosing a different partner after Edge got hurt for the 17th time. To everyone in the ring: DON’T TOUCH EDGE! He’s delicate! Edge then eliminates himself by diving onto Jericho out of “vengeance-induced madness”. PLEASE, Chris, make sure he doesn’t hit the floor too hard? If his ACLs were any more frail, he’d be on the injured list for a WNBA team.

22. The Miz
Back to corner mode. This time, Miz does a routine with Shawn in center ring, hitting the Skull Crushing Finale. Look, it’s not complicated. If you want complicated, you should have ordered Genesis, okay?

23. Shelton Benjamin
Benjamin hits some crazy stuff on everyone. This will give the guys time to lay around and sell the exhaustion of holding onto the ropes for five minutes at a time. Then Miz can dump out Benjamin when he’s not looking. There’s a metaphor in there about stuck up white people taking advantage of hard working blacks, and I’m sure the voters will see it.

24. MVP
MVP and Miz have a feud, unless we killed it off and I forgot. No, it’s still on, never mind. Let em trade off stuff while everyone else plays dead. No one ever wonders why fresh guys don’t dump out the borderline comatose guys on the mat. Never.

25. Ted Dibiase
Legacy double team time! Bye bye Kane! The fans will be SHOCKED that he didn’t win it! What a boon for this stud team to throw out a true legend of Royal Rumbles! Rhodes and Dibiase then shake hands, because there’s no dissension at all! Cole and Lawler will emphasize this like they’re selling Mighty Putty while hepped up on crank. If I don’t hear the phrase “Marine-like skills” from Cole at least twice, I will NOT be happy!

26. Big Show
Headbutts for all!

27. Batista
Clotheslines and spinebusters for all!

28. John Cena
Shoulder tackles for all! Also, he dumps Punk, because it’s funny. The more these brats argue on message boards and YouTube response videos, the more my stock remains stable. Commence the whining!

29. Zack Ryder
Ryder in, Ryder out, courtesy of Cena. Zack’s fresh, 24 years old, and has an interesting gimmick, but I’m sure he’s not worth making into a credible threat. Also, Batista tosses out MVP for reasons that will become clear.

30. Triple H
Ok, so we got seven heels (Ziggler, McIntyre, Rhodes, Dibiase, Batista, Show, Miz) against DX and Cena. Let’s watch the heroes overcome the odds! First, Ziggler goes after a Pedigree (I’d forgotten Dolph was still in there, quite frankly). Then DX and Cena can gang up on Show and send him packing. He’s been in there eight minutes anyway, so I’m sure he’s winded. Then Rhodes and Dibiase can try dumping Cena out, but there will be a miscue and both men are sent to the floor instead! TENSION! Cena can then “salute” Dibiase, as a nod to the Marine films! Insider references!

Finale:
That leaves Cena, Michaels, Hunter, McIntyre, Miz, and Batista. Who’s least important, least important, hmmm. In any scenario, according to me, the least important person is always the Intercontinental champion. Sorry, Drew. The Attitude Adjustment ends your evening. Cena will begin to celebrate, and the Miz can sneak up and chuck him out, thus making Miz a bigger heel for eliminating the crowd favorite. Yes, I just typed that last sentence with a straight face.

DX now gangs up on Batista and Miz, keeping them at bay, using crotch chops to break up any potential fan narcolepsy. After a false heel comeback that nobody will see coming, Hunter and Shawn collectively dump Batista. In the blink of an eye, Hunter then dumps Shawn to prevent him from facing Undertaker at Wrestlemania! TENSION! Shawn stares at Hunter from the floor, making the same sad face he used to make when I’d say “Shawn, I really need you to put Vader over tonight”. Miz will then slowly rise, giving the smarks hope that he’ll dump Hunter and that we’ll be elevating a new star. PSYCH! Pedigree on Miz, goodbye Miz, HUNTER WINS! Man, I had too much fun writing that.

Afterward, Shawn and Hunter celebrate together, because we only do happy endings for our shows now. Besides, Shawn’s such a sap these days. Ever since we convinced him that peeing in the cup for Hunter at drug screening time was A-OK by his Savior, life’s been easy.

Speaking of easy, I know Wrestlemania 26 will have an easy time shattering buyrate records with a Triple H-Sheamus main event for the coveted WWE Title. The only problem will be coming up with a tagline for the event.

Is “VOTE FOR LINDA” too tacky?

When he isn’t watching WWE, TNA, or his beloved Philadelphia Eagles and Phillies, Justin Henry can be found writing. It is his passion as well as his goal in life to become a well-regarded (as well as well-paid) columnist or author. Subscribe to The Cynical Examination, his wrestling blog, at http://www.facebook.com.

Order the WWE Royal Rumble – The Complete Anthology, Vol. 1

Order the WWE Royal Rumble – The Complete Anthology, Vol. 2 (1993-1997)

Order the WWE Royal Rumble – The Complete Anthology, Vol. 3

From the ring to your wall – WWE REAL.BIG Wall Graphics on sale now at Fat Head!