Doc, you have to help me! I don’t know what to do! I need your help!

Start from the beginning? Well, alright. Lemme just get comfy on your couch here. Hmph, ahh, that feels better. Alright, to the beginning, here we go. Umm, let’s see here….

I guess it all started in the late eighties, over twenty years ago. I began to take an interest in women, since I was getting to that age, and I took to looking for a potential suitor, or in this case, “suitress”. Heh, I gotta be gender-specific here. Anywho, there were some interesting women I came across, two especially. One was from Atlanta, and was also well known in the Mid-Atlantic region for being precise and exciting. I mean, I guess she was alright, but she wasn’t exactly “aesthetically pleasing” to be honest. There was another from Minneapolis who, let’s be honest, partied like it was 1959. I mean, it was the eighties. Couldn’t she see that? So many women, so many “regional dialects” that were turnoffs to me. I’m from New Jersey, and I kind of look for someone with a big city, all-encompassing, worldly feel.

Sure enough, I found her.

She was from Stamford, Connecticut, and she identified with a New York state of mind. Some men scoffed at her, because they felt she was too over-the-top and glitzy, but that’s what I loved about her. She was reliable and dependable, in the sense that our dates always went on as scheduled. She had that professional sort of punctuality to her, which was a turn on. I could also bring her home to mom and dad, and they approved of her after a little ‘warming-up’ period. After all, they thought that she would be just like every other girl I had showed interest in, in that she would be dingy, crude, and “hickish”. She had this rather mainstream sort of glow to her, kind of like a walking pop culture icon, I suppose. I know, I’m rambling, because I mean…she was a wonderful girl.

“Was” is the operative word here, because for the first few years, it was absolute bliss. That was, until, about 1994 or so. She had been indicted on drug distribution charges, which caught me totally off guard at the time, but hindsight shows me that maybe I should have been a bit more aware of what was going on.

Through no small miracle, she was acquitted on all charges. OJ Simpson was acquitted of killing two people, but nobody in the world with any common sense would ever trust him again. That’s how I felt about the Stamford girl. I mean, I suppose it’s possible that I could trust her again, but it would have to be over time.

So we split up.

I moved on with my life, and the prospects seemed great. She, however, did everything she could to try and win me back. But I just needed some space. I wasn’t sure I even wanted to see anyone at this point.

It all changed the following year, when I developed a relationship with this sleazy stripper, who we’ll call the Philadelphia girl. She may have been a bit unkempt, but she was straightforward and let me live out my carnal fantasies. The Stamford girl, as nice as she was, always had this “All-American girl” feel to her, and as nice as it was, it was also nice to feel a bit devilish at times, you know?

But then it gets even more complicated.

That fall, I found myself infatuated with somebody who reminded me of the Stamford girl, displaying many of her qualities, and she even felt fresh.

She was the Atlanta girl.

She just felt revolutionary in her own way, while retaining those familiar characteristics of the Stamford girl. Meanwhile, Stamford girl was having trouble with her finances and was looking like a pathetic shell more and more every day. I kinda missed her, but I didn’t, if that makes sense. Atlanta girl was, my god, she was amazing! Always a new wrinkle, always interesting. But the thing that bothered me was a lack of organization. We just did things on the fly, without any real planning or such. Worse, she would overload our relationship with novelty. Things that we could have staggered apart, like dinner dates, movie nights, the like, instead of balancing them to make them more appealing, she’d want to do them all consecutively. Like she was afraid I was going to lose interest in her, or something.

Turns out, she had a reason to be afraid.

She knew about the Stamford girl, and it turns out that she considered her an arch-nemesis. She was once a dingy, run-of-the-mill type of girl, but she soon reinvented herself as a Stamfordish doppelganger. With Stamford girl languishing, she had won my attention.

Around 1998, I began to notice Stamford girl again. But….I didn’t recognize her at first. She had taken some time and given herself a physical overhaul. She was now more wild, chaotic, and free-spirited, but with a sense of control also. Atlanta girl? It was becoming more of the same. We’d get intimate and just before we’d have a fun conclusion, she would scream “WE’RE OUT OF TIME!”. Stamford girl never did that. She paid off all of our romantic fun with a satisfying conclusion, each time. It was like Stamford girl had assumed the form of the stripper from Philly, albeit with a larger personal budget.

She wanted me back, and she got me too. Stamford girl and I reunited shortly thereafter.

Atlanta girl didn’t take this well, spiraling out of control. I think she may have been schizophrenic, because it seemed like somebody new was in charge of her brain each week. Philly girl had lost her appeal, because anything that she could do was being done better by Stamford girl. I mean, Philly girl was fun, but she never had any money for some weird reason. By 2001, Philly girl declared bankruptcy and Atlanta girl just disappeared without a trace. It seemed like I had made the right decision, going back with the reliable and charming Stamford girl, despite her issues.

I did make the right decision, right? Well….

It seems that after the Atlanta girl vanished, and Philly girl because hedonista-non-grata, that Stamford girl got a bit of an atittude. It was like she knew that I knew that she was the only game in town and figured that I wouldn’t be leaving her anytime soon. To be honest, I didn’t want to leave her again, either. We’d spent three or four years making amends and we experienced one of the greatest periods of harmony that two people can have together.

But in 2002, things….well, they got weird.

In May, she altered this tattoo that she had on her shoulder. For as long as I knew her, it was of the letter F. She said it stood for “FAITH” and I never thought much of it. I mean, it’s her body, right? But then, suddenly, she had some more ink done, reworking the tat so that it was the letter E, which she claimed meant “ENERGY”. I have no idea why, but this simple change from F to E led to a weird kind of discontent between us. I had to leave for a business trip a month later anyway, but it seemed like in between time, all we did was argue. I pointed out that she was too complacent and that things were stagnant, and she countered with this coarse arrogance, saying that I would come crawling back, just because I could never find better.

So away I went. My travels took me to Nashville, and things got even weirder. I know I shouldn’t have been flirting, but I came across this charming beauty who really seemed to want me. I couldn’t help but notice that she was a little clumsy and awkward, but she was also very earnest and driven. If anything, it was like I was in love with the fact that she was such a breath of fresh air from the Stamford girl, but could I really justify leaving her for this low-rent wannabe?

So I went back home at the end of my trip, and things weren’t any better. By year’s end, she had suggested many bizarre things to spice things up. She wanted to attend a gay wedding. She suggested that her friend marry an older man, who happened to be the father of a bitter rival. She even wanted to violate a corpse of a dead cheerleader, just for shock value! I love her, but it’s like she was doing ANYTHING to get my full attention! Meanwhile, I wondered if life with the Nashville girl was possibly better than this.

A couple of years later, I received a phone call out of the blue from this Nashville girl. She had relocated to Orlando, and was happy to say that she’d saved her money and was no longer a cheap, run-down lush. In fact, she wanted to see me again. But I was torn, even though things hadn’t improved with the Stamford girl by any means. I’d talk to Orlando girl here and there, but I couldn’t fathom leaving her. That talk about never finding anyone better rang loud, especially considering that Orlando girl just wasn’t in her class.

Periodically, I checked in with Orlando girl to see how she was doing, which worked well considering that Stamford girl either didn’t know about her, or pretended that she didn’t exist. In any case, I kept in touch with this outsider, who seemed to be making strides every day to win me over, but alas, I wasn’t ready to budge. I guess maybe I was just getting a bit complacent myself.

But then in June 2007, life as I knew it changed forever.

An associate of the Stamford girl was found dead, having murdered his family before ultimately offing himself. There was speculation that she, as his caretaker, ignored signs of manic episodes and depression. The feds even tried to accuse her of looking the other way when he got messed up on drugs, which was eerily similar to her trial thirteen years prior. After weirdly pretending that her associate never existed, refusing to even speak his name again, things eventually died down and she was never charged with a crime. But again, it felt weird to be with her, even though the positives outweighed the positives of all other women.

And here we are in 2010, where the most recent chapter has unfolded. It’s a chapter that has definitely been an awakening, that’s for sure.

Orlando girl has gotten aggressive. Stamford girl is aware of her now and doesn’t want me to spend even a second acknowledging her. Stamford girl even seems a bit fearful of this momentum that Orlando girl has amassed. I feel like I should sit back and see which of them wants me the most, proving their love with good intentions and excitement. But I just don’t know what to do when it comes time to making the all-important decision.

Maybe I should just go with both? Maybe if I can make one jealous of the other, the other will work to improve herself to compensate. After all, competition is certainly healthy. It’ll make both of them better women, right?

All I know is this: my libido is so strong right now. My excitement is maxing out. My interests are extremely piqued. It’s been a good eight or nine years since I’ve been this excited. I know that Stamford girl and Orlando girl are going to go all out to acquire my love, and they will stop at absolutely nothing until they have it, barring that they die trying.

I guess the part that I feel is the biggest shame is that I can’t go all polygamous and just take both.

Or can I?

When he isn’t watching WWE, TNA, or his beloved Philadelphia Eagles and Phillies, Justin Henry can be found writing. It is his passion as well as his goal in life to become a well-regarded (as well as well-paid) columnist or author. He tweets at twitter.com/notoriousjrh and facebooks himself at http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh.

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The Final Countdown tour is over. Ring of Honor recently saw two of its’ biggest stars leave the company to make a bigger name for themselves in other companies. Nigel McGuiness, or Desmond Wolfe as he is now known as, made his debut in TNA Wrestling a few weeks ago. Bryan Danielson should be making his much anticipated debut on WWE programming very soon. These two men are two of the most gifted wrestlers and entertainers you will over see in a wrestling ring. Since its’ inception back in 2002, Ring of Honor has been the place to go to see the most gifted, talented, and unsigned wrestlers in the wrestling business. Today in 2009, not much has changed.

ROH has unofficially been the third most important wrestling promotion in the United States since it ran its first show back in February of 2002. Since that time, wrestling stars from around the world have flocked to ROH to showcase their talents there. Ironically, ROH has become the breeding ground for future stars of both WWE and TNA. Guys like CM Punk, AJ Styles, Samoa Joe, and Christopher Daniels all shined bright during their time in ROH. Now, their stars shine even brighter because of the bigger stage they are on.

So now that McGuiness and Danielson are WWE and TNA bound, the question to be asked is, “Who’s next”? The current ROH roster is jam packed with guys who can very well excel at the next level if given the chance. When news first broke that Bryan Danielson was leaving for WWE, there were rumors buzzing that WWE scouts had their eyes on at least five others from ROH that they were looking to possibly bring in. So of the current ROH roster, who is ready to take that next step and become the next big superstar of the wrestling world?

Through careful examination of the Ring of Honor roster, there are plenty of guys who can, and probably one day will, fill the role of “Superstar”. As of right now, there are a select few that can legitimately be seen as having a bright future in either TNA or WWE. Below are some current ROH wrestlers who I personally think have the best shot. Here they are in no particular order:

Tyler Black: Tyler is probably the most athletic wrestler on the ROH roster. At six feet tall and 200lbs, Tyler Black can wrestle any style. He can fly, mat wrestle, and do the power moves. His agility is unmatched for a man his size. He has proved he can hang with the best of them, having had a set of fantastic matches with Bryan Danielson recently. The only downfall is his promo skills. They have been getting better as of late, but he still needs some seasoning. At 23 years old, if given some time to work on this with Dusty Rhodes down in FCW, Tyler could be destined for a bright future in WWE.

Colt Cabana: In my opinion, WWE made a huge mistake in releasing Cabana back in February of this year. “Scotty Goldman” was never given a fair opportunity to showcase what his character could do. He had a weekly segment on WWE.com that was fun to watch. Colt is one of the funniest and most entertaining men in the wrestling business today. How could World Wrestling ENTERTAINMENT overlook the best ENTERTAINER out there? On top of that, the man can actually wrestle. He has a good look, a great character, can talk on the mic, and can get the crowd behind him. What downside did you see WWE?

Claudio Castagnoli: WWE has been making it a habit of signing guys based on their looks alone, so why not offer Claudio a contract? At a chiseled 6′5” 220 lbs, Castagnoli is exactly what a pro wrestler should look like. He has a “Very European” gimmick that gets great heat with the crowd and he can work his ass off in the ring. He cuts excellent promos and just makes fans absolutely hate him. Another pure athlete, Claudio can have entertaining matches with wrestlers of all sizes. His hands-free airplane spin is something spectacular to see as well. He would also benefit WWE in their European market as well. Stephanie McMahon recently said a main focus of WWE right now is expanding their global market. There is no better way than to bring in stars that represent all parts of the world.

Chris Hero: Hero has all the gifts to make it to the top of this business. His size (6′ 225lbs) is perfect for the WWE. He has spent the last year focusing on getting into the best shape of his career, and you can tell. He has wrestled all over the world and trained with the best including Mitsuharu Misawa. Hero can wrestle all types of styles and can have a spectacular match with anyone. His hard-hitting match with Kenta on HDNet a few weeks ago is a Match of the Year candidate in my book. Above all else, Hero is a master on the mic. He cuts the best promos in ROH right now. He is so good on the mic that he does color commentary on most ROH DVD’s. Hero is very marketable and is exactly what WWE or TNA needs right now.

Delirious: Hailing from The Edge of Sanity, Delirious is one hell of a worker and a pleasure to watch in the ring. His character is very unique and could be marketed extremely well towards kids in either WWE or TNA. Delirious has wrestled around the globe and faced some of the best wrestlers in the world and held his own. He also might be the best conditioned wrestler in ROH right now. There were rumblings about a month ago that WWE was interested. It comes as no surprise as Delirious can bring pure wrestling ability, charisma, and entertainment value to any organization. If WWE can market a masked wrestler like Rey Mysterio and make him as big as he is, they should have no trouble doing the same for Delirious and his fun character.

Honorable Mentions: Austin Aries, Davey Richards, and Roderick Strong. We all know these guys are fantastic workers. Davey Richards could possibly be the best wrestler pound for pound in the United States. The one downfall all three of these guys have is that they are too small. I would love to see these guys in either WWE or TNA, but let’s face it, they would get lost in the shuffle. It already happened to Aries and Strong in TNA. Pure wrestling ability alone, these are three of the best in the world. As a fan, I’d rather they keep doing what they are doing and stay away from the Big Two. These guys can still make a great living doing major indies and working overseas, not to mention have better matches as well

You might agree with some of the above, or you might think I am insane. Either way, it is a great conversation piece. Only time will tell if these men are the next WWE or TNA Superstars. With all of their ability and talent, don’t be surprised if it happens sooner rather than later.

Dom Vitalli is originally from Upstate New York and currently resides in Phoenix, AZ. He is a die hard New York Yankees fan and currently wrestles for various independent wrestling promotions throughout the state of Arizona. You can follow the life and times of Dom “The Bomb” Vitalli at www.myspace.com/goldglove2b.

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Hulk Hogan shocked the pro wrestling world when he announced a partnership with Total Non-Stop Action Wrestling. Hogan, joined by former WCW executive Eric Bischoff made the announcement at Madison Square Garden. As Hogan makes his way to the Impact Zone, the official TNA death watch has begun.

TNA wrestling are really an unbelievable company. I have ranted against TNA and their booking for years. I will give them credit. TNA have been the only company since the demise of WCW and ECW to remain a national pro wrestling presence. That is no easy feat in this day and age of pro wrestling and the economy. Hey, even WCW blew through $80 million. At this point, TNA Wrestling has definitely defied the odds with their current existence.

The biggest problem TNA has had in my opinion is there inability to create its own identity. TNA has its homegrown stars, yet they continue to rely on WWE and WCW retreads while failing to properly elevate and brand their own unique talent. There is nothing wrong with mixing a bit of older, familiar faces if the purpose is for these wrestlers to help pass the torch and give some of the younger stars some of their rub. That hasn’t happened, and trying to make heads or tails of the TNA roster will just frustrate you for days on end. Believe me, I have tried and I couldn’t tell you the faces from the heels if my life depended on it.

Enter Hulk Hogan. Some will say that TNA and Dixie Carter have made a deal with the devil himself. The Hogan deal is a peculiar deal on a lot of different levels. For one, there is no guarantee that Hogan will ever wrestle in TNA. Hogan hasn’t wrestled a match in years and has had countless surgeries and injuries since that time. Hogan has a match scheduled with Ric Flair in Australia and will tryout his body there. Having a watered down Hogan match in Australia with Ric Flair is one thing, but passing it off as a main-event for $40 to TNA Wrestling fans is a whole other story.

Hogan claims that he will be second from the top behind TNA Wrestling CEO Bob Carter himself. Let’s just assume for a moment this is true. This would be a complete disaster for TNA and could possibly kill the company. Hogan has a track record in WCW and it isn’t good. Hogan likes to hook his friends up with gigs and pushes who haven’t been relevant in 15 years. This is exactly what Hogan did in WCW. Remember the Dungeon of Doom and the Butcher? How is that going to fly in 2009 with TNA’s current audience? The TNA audience is small as it is, the last thing you want to do is disenfranchise them because they may never come back.

What does Hogan know about TNA Wrestling? Has Hogan watched even one episode of TNA Impact? Does Hogan even know who AJ Styles is? You are bringing a guy in to run a company who in all likelihood doesn’t even know who half of the talent is. Not too mention, Hogan’s philosophy is quite obvious and he likes to book big guys. Hogan isn’t putting himself or a main-event wrestler in the ring with AJ Styles or even Samoa Joe. That is just how the Hulkster thinks and his track record indicates this.

At 56 years old and broken down, there is only one reason to keep Hogan in the ring. Hogan needs to be there to introduce new fans to the product and the stars. Hogan isn’t getting back in the game for another run at the title (although it’s coming). In all of Hogan’s interviews he did all week, he barely mentioned TNA. In none of his interviews or press conference, did he mention one TNA wrestler. Think about the impact he could have had if he dropped some names, mentioned how tough they were, mentioned how competitive TNA wrestling is, etc. He did none of that, nor would I expect him to.

Don’t be fooled and think that Hogan is getting back in the wrestling game because he wants to give back to the business. The fact of the matter is that Hogan just went through a messy divorce. Hogan lost millions of his hard earned money. At 56, it is hard for anyone to start over. As a celebrity, Hogan will always have work. But nobody is going to pay him what he could make on a one-shot wrestling gig. It is a scary thing when you have a guy in charge of your company and your future that is only in it for immediate financial gain. I would hate to be in the shoes of the TNA stars right now.

It isn’t all bad for TNA Wrestling. The good that comes with Hogan is the mainstream press he will get you. Hogan is the most known pro wrestler of the last 30 years. TNA can bring Hogan into a meeting with an advertising or network executive and get themselves a lot of great deals. But pro wrestling fans really don’t care whether Coke or Pepsi are sponsoring Bound for Glory. The majority of TNA’s fans want good wrestling and they certainly won’t get it with Hogan.

I admire Dixie Carter’s ambitions with TNA Wrestling but she has proven to be in way over her head as a pro wrestling executive. First she put her faith in a writer that most blame for bankrupting an $80 million company with over 50 years of tradition. Now, she brings back the missing link to that same disaster. Like many other smart businesspeople that have gotten into wrestling, she has fallen for the same con she is trying to sell. It is truly amazing to me the amount of WCW mistakes that this woman has allowed TNA to repeat. All she has to do is talk to anyone who objectively watched WCW to get the story. Then again, as the saying goes “Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it.”

There are already problems less than a week into the marriage. As it turns out, TNA Impact actually lost viewers at the end of their show last week when they showed a Hulk Hogan video. Impact’s rating was up and initially it was thought that Hogan gave the show a big boost. In the end, it was the product and not Hogan that bumped the number. It has to be a very disturbing sign to even Hogan’s biggest supporters when his first appearance actually tuned TNA fans out of the show.

It has also been revealed that Hogan will not appear in the “Impact Zone” until at least February. The rationale behind this is that Hogan wanted to wait for the football season to end. Allegedly, TNA officials are disappointed and want Hogan there much sooner. I think this is a very alarming piece of news. Why would Hogan need to wait until February to avoid the NFL? TNA Impact airs on Thursdays, and the NFL Thursday night games are over well before February. To me, there is something fishy here about this. I almost wonder if Hogan is just using TNA to promote his book and has no intention of appearing in TNA. It is also possible that Hogan is using this to leverage a juicy WrestleMania deal for next year. Until I see it, I just don’t believe that Hogan will ever step foot in a TNA ring.

Don’t misunderstand me, I was a Hulkamaniac. I got the “Hogan Chill” as he entered the ring to do battle. I was also 10 years old at the time. I don’t mind an occasional Hogan appearance, and I think he’d actually make a great regular WWE Guest Host. However, I don’t want to see him in the ring every week, I wouldn’t pay $40 to see him wrestle on pay-per-view, and I most definitely have no interest in seeing his goofy friends from the 1980s back in wrestling. Unless this is all some kind of smokescreen, Hulk Hogan has dropped the leg on TNA Wrestling and quite honestly they deserve it.

Welcome in the new era of TNA Wrestling. Total Non-Stop Arthritic Wrestling!

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For the past several months, the buzz has been that Hulk Hogan is interested in a possible run with TNA Wrestling. Well, that rumor has now become a reality, because Hulk Hogan has officially signed with TNA!

I think that this is a great thing for TNA, as far as their growth goes as a company. Although this takes away from TNA’s goal to push more of the younger guys, this is a great opportunity for TNA to get huge coverage, and gain more and more fans! This could very well be that big name that TNA really needs to really grow, and move on to become more legitimate competition for the WWE. For some fans, that man could be Goldberg, for some it could have been DDP, and for some it could have been, and is going to be, Hulk Hogan! In my opinion, Hogan has the ability to push TNA to the point of competing against RAW in the second addition of the MONDAY NIGHT WARS! This could be exactly what the pro wrestling industry needs to become hot again! I am very excited about this and can’t wait to see how it plays out.

I do not know whether Hogan will be actually wrestling in TNA, or just an other on air character. I would love to see him in a few matches, so hopefully he will at least be playing a role like Mick Foley, acting as a general manager or other authority figure, and wrestling on occasion events. I would personally love to see him have a few matches with Sting, for nostalgic purposes, AJ Styles, Matt Morgan, Kurt Angle, and Samoa Joe among others.

According to TNA’s official website, Hogan will be making his IMPACT debut this week! I am very excited for his debut, and really look forward to learning more about what his TNA role will be. Initially, I would have thought that he would have joined the Main Event Mafia, but with them basically nonexistent now, that it obviously not going to happen. There are so many productive ways that TNA could use him, and I can only hope that they make the most out of this extraordinary opportunity!

As far as my emotions go, I am more excited than ever for this news! I have always been a huge Hogan fan, and for his to come to TNA, a company that I have followed for 7 years, makes me ecstatic! I am so glad that he is going to be on television again, on a professional wrestling program, that I can hardly wait for Thursday! Set your DVR’s everyone, because this is going to truly be a historic moment in the history of professional wrestling, and possible a milestone for TNA in their quest to go head to head with the WWE!

One individual who is potentially very influential in getting Hogan into TNA, is Eric Bishoff, who is now going to be apart of TNA as well. Eric will not be an on air character or a member of the TNA creative team, but helping get TNA more television shows. He is currently working on a new possible show, to go head to head with WWE RAW on Monday nights!

Overall, this is great news for TNA and their respective fan base, and I really look forward to Hogan helping TNA to grow, and become more and more popular!

I, Todd Frizzell, am starting my very own pro wrestling website, and am looking for writers who would like to cover reports, reviews, new stories, and other things about WWE, TNA, and Indy wrestling. If interested, please email me at frizzell0524@wowway.com. Thanks!

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Check out the full audio from a 90-minute interview with former WWWF champion, Bruno Sammartino. The former WWE star shoots hard on a variety of topics. We spoke for over 90 minutes about everything from his thoughts on the WWE Hall of Fame, to Ric Flair’s criticism of Bruno, and even sparring with Sonny Liston.

Some excerpts of the interview include… On the WWE Hall of Fame - Today I get a lot of mail that comes here. I would say that maybe two out of twenty letters that I get, they tell me stuff like, “You know Bruno you are being stubborn, you aren’t being fair to the fans who supported you, you should go into the WWE Hall of Fame regardless of your feelings towards Vince McMahon because you owe it to the fans to go to the Hall of Fame and by not going you are being disrespectful to the fans.”

On Ric Flair’s comments about Bruno in his book - Somebody heard me something negative about him and asked me, “How come?” You know what? Ric Flair, I never said anything negative about Ric Flair for years, but in the last couple years yeah I have been negative on Ric Flair and I will tell you why. I ignored the different things that he said about me for example. He said, “Sammartino, the only place he means anything is in New York. What’s the big deal? Nine million people there, I could sell out Madison Square Garden when I’m 55 years old.”

Bruno talks more about Andre the Giant, MMA/UFC, his opponents during his 1985-87 run, Ray Stevens, Ken Patera, and this Day in Bruno Sammartino History. Check it out in full here on The Camel Clutch Blog!

The Bruno Sammartino Interview on YouTube.com – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xfgw69JBUdY
*Due to some technical issues, I could not post the interview here. I apologize for the extra link.

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I am saddened by the news reporting the death of WWE Hall of Fame manager, Captain Lou Albano. Albano was the last living member of what I like to call the “Big 3″ WWWF/WWF managers. Albano, Freddie Blassie, and the Grand Wizard (who ironically died on October 12, 1983) are just as responsible as Bruno Sammartino and Bob Backlund were in drawing big houses in the 1970s and early 80s.

Captain Lou was far and away my favorite pro wrestling personality growing up. I loved his crazy promos, the rubber bands in the beard, and the sloppy ring gear. Captain Lou is responsible for two big memories for me as a wrestling fan. First, Captain Lou was one of the first people I laid my eyes on when I watched my pro wrestling show. I came across a MSG promo featuring Lou, Blackjack Mulligan, and the Samoans for a match against the Strongbows and Andre the Giant. I was scared out of my mind watching those maniacs, yet I returned and haven’t left since.

The second was the very first live pro wrestling event I attended. I attended a WWF show at the Spectrum in Philadelphia in 1983. The main-event featured WWF champion Bob Backlund, Andre the Giant, and Superfly Snuka against Big John Studd, the Samoans, and Captain Lou in a handicapped match. The finish of the match saw Superfly Snuka leap off of the top rope and crash on Albano for the pin.

I had the honor of interviewing and meeting Captain Lou back in 2001. To this day, it remains one of my favorite interviews. I found Lou to be revealing, candid, and as always entertaining. I dug into the archives and found the transcript which features Lou talking about becoming a manager, managing some of his greatest wrestlers, the differences between the WWE then as opposed to the WWWF/WWF of his era, Bruno Sammartino, his legendary weekly firings, Hulk Hogan, Bob Backlund, Cyndi Lauper and more. Rather than me telling you his story, I present Captain Lou Albano’s story in his own words.

This interview originally aired live on Pro Wrestling Radio on January 26, 2001.

Q: How did you get started in the wrestling business?

Lou Albano: Well, I got started years ago. I just got out of the service, this was around 1952, and Vince McMahon, Sr., Willie Ginzberg sent me down to him and I started wrestling and I wrestled for about 20 years and Bruno Sammartino said to me, “You know you are not a great wrestler, but you’re a good talker, a good bs’er, you never shut up.” So they started me managing in the sixties with Crusher Vadue, Baron Mikel Scicluna, Curtis Iaukea, the Moondogs, and I had the British Bulldogs later on and I had the Valiant Brothers and the Wild Samoans, Andre
for a while, Tarzan Tyler, Luke Graham, I had them all the way up to Superfly Jimmy Snuka and we went through as a manager and Bruno said, “If you become a manager, you will be around for years.

Q: What was your favorite part of your wrestling career?

Lou: Well, I liked when I became a manager. There was a lot of excitement with WrestleMania I. We all got together with Cyndi Lauper, and Muhammad Ali as a referee, Liberace’ as a time keeper, that was in 1984, that was the first WrestleMania. Billy Martin, God rest his soul, Gordie Howe, really an extravaganza and that’s what really started off WrestleMania, which I believe is one of the big events with the WWF and as I said, that was probably one of the highlights, and the rest was being a business that I have loved and done for years. I’d like to see it get back to a little more of the original wrestling where you have a two hour show, with ten minutes of wrestling, and forty-five minutes of hype! Just get back a little more, keep the fingers down, the women dropping their tops, don’t go too far.

Q: Compare working for Vince Sr., Vince, Jr.?

Lou: Well, first of all Vince Sr., me is a legend. When I was hurt years ago, every week I got my paycheck. Years ago, four or five hundred dollars was a lot of money. We did not make the kind of money that the guys were making today, so there is no envy there, in our day that was good money. Every week I had a check. Vince McMahon, Sr. was truly a legend in his own time. Junior, is a business man. Junior and I do not see eye to eye on a lot of things. I don’t want to criticize him, he’s not here to answer. As I said, I don’t like some of the things he is doing, however business wise he is a business man, he’s out there, he’s out there calling his daughter a name and his wife is this and is that and he is doing things I am not crazy about. The daughter comes out and says, “You know dad that Mom is very sick?” this and that, he comes out with a blonde with him and he says, “I can’t believe it,” and he’s looking in a mirror. “She’s very sick, I can’t,” all the sudden a big smile on his face (imitating Vince laughing), he said, “All they wanted was my money.” I think they are over doing it. Little kids are watching itand they are imitating what they are seeing and we tell little kids not to do it, I noticed he is putting little disclaimers on Saturday mornings when little kids watch. I guess there have been accidents and people are getting turned off and parents are irritated. You know you have to be careful.

Q: Would you ever see Vince Sr., doing that with his family as a promoter to sell tickets?

Lou: No, Vince (Junior) made a statement at one time, “If my father was alive, he’d turn over in his grave if he knew what I was doing,” I guess that is true. Vince McMahon, Sr., ago had his own territory. We ran from Virginia up to Maine and never went past Pittsburgh. There were territories in the Midwest. Out in California there was Roy Shire and Pat Patterson, in Florida you had Eddie Graham, Eddie Gossett. There were different territories, you went from territory to territory. Vince, Jr. got on national television and went all over the world and I am sure that some people are aggravated. You had Verne Gagne in the Minnesota area and Vince just went out and did what he wanted to do. Of the two if I had to have a choice, I would say I definitely prefer the dad. I am just being honest and I am not knocking Junior or anything. I would pick his father if I had to, I think his father is a legend.

Q: How true are the stories about you getting fired weekly at television?

Lou: Well, I mean there were times at television certain things would go wrong and this and that, and McMahon would get upset, but Vince, Sr. if you got fired, he would have a way about him. Sometimes he’d yell at me, I’d got fired quite a few times. He would come back at me and say, “Captain Lou, get back here and behave yourself, and be careful and don’t be drinking, and don’t be this, and don’t be that.” He had a point. A couple of weeks later he would call me up and say, “Are you going to behave yourself now?” and I would say “Yes, Vince I will.” I would come back again. He would give you a second chance and I do not know if Junior would do that.

Q: What are your memories of working with Jimmy Snuka nd his crazy side in and out of the ring?

Lou: Well, Jimmy I think is seasoned with age. He is not a kid anymore, he’s not that old, I guess he is in his late forties, early fifties, whatever. He is doing independent work and we got back and forth and had that feud on television and went around with Jimmy Snuka and all I would do in my day, I was not a great wrestler, I would go in there and hit you with a gimmick, a piece of wood or something, and he’d come back at me and chase me through the dressing room. As a villain, the people would yell, “You big, fat, son of a gun, stay and fight you coward!” I said, “Once I get beat they are going to be happy and we won’t draw anymore money.” We did that for years, and then finally I became a good guy and I started handling Andre The Giant for a while, and then I had the British Bulldogs, and Jimmy, and Jimmy turned back and forth. Jimmy’s still going around with King Kong Bundy and all of the fellows, and they are making appearances here and there and they are doing independent shows, and they are doing very well.

Q: What were your thoughts watching Jimmy’s famous Superfly leap off the top of the cage during his match with Bob Backlund?

Lou: Well, he was really one of the originators of that. I mean, that was amazing, you are up there ten or twelve feet high and I mean just one bad thing. I wouldn’t go for that to be honest with you. When I wrestled him he wanted to do it and I told him, “No, you can jump on me from the thing, but there is no way.” If he jumped on to me from the top of the thing, I would try and roll out of the ring. I figured, I could barely walk as it is you know?

Q: Memories of working with Andre The Giant?

Lou: Well, Andre was a super human guy. Very difficult in his life because they told him they he would never make it past forty and he made it to forty-six and he kept growing. I think they did something to his pituitary glands to try and stop him. He’d walk down the street and he would call everybody boss and he he’d say, “Look Boss, they are looking at me.” You’d get fifty people turn around, I mean he was 7′4″ and over 500 pounds, they’d be staring at him, and I mean the guy was an amazing athlete, a strong human being, and I don’t think if he wanted to be beaten that he was going to be beaten.

Q: Memories of working with Bob Backlund and his crazy reputation outside of the ring?

Lou: Bob Backlund, I heard is going to run for office up in Connecticut. He mentioned it to me, Bobby was a great amateur wrestler, of course he was a little off the wall, like you said, that’s part of the showmanship in wrestling. Bob is a pretty smart individual and he would probably make a good State Senator or something like that.

Q: Memories of managing and working with Don Muraco?

Lou: Well, Don Muraco I hear is out on the Island now renting out boats. Don was a great athlete, and I also had Mr. Fuji by the way. Fuji and Saito. Saito was an Olympic champion, Silver Medalist for his country. As I said, Don Muraco was a very good wrestler, a big man, I guess he weighed about 260, 270, about 6′4″ or 6′5″, he was very good.

Q: Was there any behind the scenes tension between you and Roddy for the top heel spot?

Lou: No, when we did the Cyndi Lauper video he called me out and I called her a little broad, I was a heel and she whacked me, hit me over the head with her pocketbook, I didn’t realize that she had a bottle of perfume in there, she almost killed me and then Roddy and I got into a little deal, this was later on. Roddy would go back and forth. Roddy was a very good manager, he’s an actor now, I believe he has done about thirty movies, and God bless him, he is a young fellow, Roddy is definitely a unique personality.

Q: What were your thoughts when Hulk Hogan returned and the new era of the WWF began?

Lou: Actually, the Samoans told me about Hulk Hogan originally, because we had Andre, and we wanted a big man to go against Andre. Hogan’s name was Terry Bollea and was a bass guitar player out of Florida, and they were looking to bring someone in and Terry came in and he went around with Andre and he got a little aggravated and he left and went out to Verne Gagne. He did that movie and he was Thunder Lips in Rocky III, and after that his career just bloomed, and he went down with (Ted) Turner, and he has a career with him, and back and forth, and he’s definitely been a money maker and an icon in the business of wrestling. When you talk about the older timers you have the, Bruno Sammartinos, the Killer Kowalskis, Agrentina Rocca, I mean you talk about these guys were truly legends.

Q: Did you and some of the older veterans see the changes coming?

Lou: Well, I kind of noticed it because he was at WrestleMania I and you could kind of see that they were leaning a little more towards showmanship than they were in the older days, and when Hollywood Hulk Hogan, with the blonde hair. As I said, these are the world’s greatest athletes. That I will admit to, however you are not betting on wrestling, it is sports-entertainment, which the promoters themselves will tell you, and as I said Hogan coming was definitely something new, and from there it just kept growing.

Q: How did the whole Cyndi Lauper angle get put together?

Lou: Cyndi met me on a plane coming in from Puerto Rico. I think Danny Devito mentioned me to her and she asked me if she should come to the Garden. She came to Madison Square Garden and they had the Star and the National Enquirer there. I was a heel then, so I winked at her. I said, “Cyndi Lauper, you are a nice little broad.” She said, “What?” I said, “You are a nice little broad, you are like other women, good for making babies and cleaning house.” Well, the women’s lib, I went on Letterman, they picketed me, they kept booing me, I said, “They aren’t booing me, they are yelling Lou, Lou, Lou! The body women love and men envy.” Meanwhile, I am 350 pounds, my belly sticking out, now I am down to about 210, at that time she said, “I will pick a girl wrestler to wrestle your girl!” She picked Wendy Richter, a young good looking athlete. I had Fabulous Moolah, who I am not knocking but Moolah was almost my age and maybe more. We got beaten and I apologized and said, “Women are at least as good as men and if not in most cases better.” So that made me straight again, and I went back to handling the babyfaces.

Q: Memories of working with the Dynamite Kid?

Lou: Dynamite Kid and Davey Boy were excellent athletes. Dynamite has been off for a while and Davey Boy had been back and forth, their brother-in-law is Jimmy Neidhart and they were related to the Hart family. I would say fine, super athletes like so many guys. Bobby Backlund again, was a great amateur athlete and in our sport we had, “Dr. Death” Steve Williams, National AAU Champion, Danny Hodge, Olympic champ years ago. So, these are the world’s best athletes with the showmanship.

I mention that Ozzy Osbourne was with him at WrestleMania 2.

Lou: Yeah, we did and we had Donny Wallberg from the New Kids On The Block, oh we had so many throughout the years. Later on, Chuck Norris had come in, Burt Reynolds was on some of the WrestleMania’s, and all the way through until the present. You had Arnold involved, in fact Arnold was on one of them and I said, “Arnold Schwarzennager, big deal. You got a 54″ chest, I got a 54″ waist. Look at those lumps all over, you look terrible. Who trained you?” He said, “You did Captain, you are my trainer, my mentor.”

Q: Have you gotten any negativity from your ex-fellow wrestlers for exposing some of the facts you did in your books?

Lou: No, because most of the fans already knew that Terry Bollea is Hulk Hogan, and they knew all of the different names, and Arnie Skaaland knew that he used to be called Bobby Weaver. They basically knew the names, look at years ago right after World War II, Willie Gilzenberg tells Hans Schmidt to walk into the ring dressed as a Jewish boy with a little cap on. He goes into Madison Square Garden, the old Garden on 49th street and Willie told him to click his heels together and make a nazi chant. So Willie clicked his heels together and did the chant, and he goes to come out of the elevator and one of the people that sold jewels has a gun on him and says, “You dirty Nazi son of a gun, I ought to blow you away!” He goes, “Please, please I am not German!” He went back to Willie and said, “You click your heels together, the heck with the gimmick, I don’t want to get killed!” A lot of the people knew the boys names anyway, so what are they going to say? I have never disgraced the business, I have never said anything bad about it, I was proud to be in it

Q: How different was the WWF during your last run managing the Headshrinkers?

Lou: One of them is the big guy now with the big rear end. Rikishi. Forget about it, he must have gained about 300 pounds since I had him. It started and I had them, and of course at first I had Afa and Sika. Those guys, Rikishi and them are the nephews of Afa and Sika. Samu is Afa’s son. Rikishi is Sika’s son. In fact, the big guy Rodney Anoia. He was not Japanese, he was Samoan. I believe we have lost Rodney. The poor guy, I felt sorry for him, he got so big, and of course the strain on his heart. My Headshrinkers were good guys you know, and then from there handled Snuka again, it was great. I enjoyed more being a babyface. The villain was great, but they were cutting my tires and throwing rocks at me, so I said, “Hey, these people are taking everything to heart!”

Q: Were you ever approached in the last 20 years by the competition?

Lou: Yes, I had been approached several times by the competition. In fact, I took a premature release in my contract with McMahon. I was doing a movie and for some reason he said, “You are a wrestler, not an actor.” I said, “I am going to do the movie, I already made a commitment.” I think it was Bodyslam, we had a little falling out and I said, “I want a release.” He said, “I will give you a premature release, providing I did not go down to the WCW for a year.” That was a few years ago, if I wanted to go now I could, but as I said at my age with the traveling, I would not even consider it.

Q: What is your current relationship like with Vince McMahon, Jr.?

Lou: Personally, nothing close. I met him on a couple of talk shows, I gave my opinion, I didn’t bury anybody, I just gave what I thought. I wasn’t crazy about what is going on today. As I said, he put my doll out, I made money with the doll. In fact, they sold out and are no longer around. I can’t really say anything, I wouldn’t want to go back. Again, I would say his father was the greatest and not knocking Vince, it’s not my cup of tea.

Q: Who was the greatest you ever saw or worked with?

Lou: One of the greats, not his great wrestling ability, but the charisma he had with the people was Bruno Sammartino. Argentina Rocca was magnificent. He just put his feet up in the air and he was a great athlete, and Bruno was a big powerhouse. In 1959, without steroids which he hated, he bench pressed 565 pounds and did 38 consecutive reps with 330 pounds. At that time, it was unheard of. Bruno was definitely a legend. Then there was the Killer Kowalskis. There were so many great wrestlers. If you want to get into amateur styles, you have people like Steve Williams and Danny Hodge. It is hard to pick out one single one.

Listen to the interview by clicking here.

Check out Captain Lou’s book, The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Pro Wrestling (2nd Edition) by clicking here.

Check out Captain Lou’s autobiography, The Wit and Wisdom of Lou Albano by clicking here.

See the Captain at his best on the WWE Presents The World’s Greatest Wrestling Managers DVD by clicking here.

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